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The X Factor recap: Easy Breezy Wheezy Yes

All aboard the Panda Express! The third auditions episode is surprisingly awesome

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X FACTOR CECE
Fox

The X Factor

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
Pending
seasons:
3
genre:
Reality TV

CeCe Fry, the aforementioned and pictured leopard face, was clearly a plant by the producers. It’s so heavy-handed how they find these bitchy camera whores and direct them to go and bully innocent bystanders just to mess with their heads or, as CeCe said, “push their buttons.” That’s just nonsense. Anyone who was there for the right reasons would keep to him or herself and focus on the audition. Shoot, why am I doing this? I need to quit expecting anything more from The X Factor and find a way to embrace this madness!

Anyway, this girl is generally terrible, claiming “There’s nobody like me” after dissing a pack of cheerleaders behind her. Yeah, no one’s ever done that. We’ve got an original on our hands! It’s either that or her sweaty face paint. Either way, get it off. CeCe pretended she was a horrible singer with a “CeCe-fied” version of “Unchained Melody,” knowing she would be given a second chance to REALLY WAIL on Xtina’s “Ain’t No Other Man.” Everything about this segment was off-putting, the blatant producer orchestration most of all. Just incredibly lame.

No need to knock face tattoos as an art form, though, until you’ve seen the whole episode: Vino Alan, father of a 15-year-old son, was up next. He had real tattoos and they were on his SKULL. Louis Walsh (Simon’s old homie who filled in for him in Kansas City) and L.A. Reid made him take off his hat to reveal his edgy greatness to the crowd before his rendition of “Trouble,” and just before the judges cut him off he removed his hat again to uproarious applause. You can’t keep us from those glorious scalp drawings much longer, evil judges!

Vino is going through, and I will probably end up voting for him because his name = wine.

My favorite Britney face of the night is the one she presents to people when she has yet to decide whether they have the right to exist.

Chilling.

The judges somewhat rudely walked out on aggressive Justin Bieber hater Deangelo Wallace’s audition, so he stole his $3000 mic and got arrested. I’m glad we got so much illuminating outdoor footage this week. After all, if there isn’t an ambulance and a cop car in the near vicinity, how will I know I’m watching a music competition reality show on Fox?!

NEXT: Once you pop (your collar), you can’t stop (asking about it)

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