Remember that time Christina Aguilera forgot Tony Vincent’s name after seven weeks of knowing him? (Can I get an all-caps LOL?) Because I certainly remember, and I’m certain that poor Tony won’t forget it anytime soon, since “Tony, right? That’s your name, Tony?” was the last thing Christina said to him before he got the boot on tonight’s episode. Tough exit!
Last night featured four more eliminations on The Voice, and for what it’s worth, I’d wager that most of them were pretty unsurprising. But my job is not simply to be a dispensary of adjectives when it comes time to analyze the results. Nay, I will relay the events of the night, beginning with a bubbly, colorful performance by pop siren Jessie J (singing “Domino”).
The performance might have been flawless were it not for Team Christina randomly joining J onstage and swaying awkwardly in the background, harmonizing ever so quietly. Honestly, if Carson Daly hadn’t announced that Jermaine Paul, Chris Mann, Lindsey Pavao and Jesse Campbell would be performing alongside the Brit gumdrop, I would have been seriously confused as to the ragtag array of back-up dancers.
And on to the first elimination we go! It’s Team Adam up first, and Coach Levine alerts us that “this is the part of the process that’s so unnatural and strange,” and that ultimately the singers have to remember that they’re playing a game. A Hunger Game? A Game of Thrones? Clue? I’m boggled.
Who did America vote to save from Team Adam? In no particular order (which I don’t buy for a second!), the first singer to be caressed by the sweet, intricate ropes of a metaphorical safety net is Indian Zooey Deschanel Mathai, who was a shoe-in, of course. The second to be saved: Mouseketeer Tony Lucca, whose large fan base no doubt voted him through despite a less than magical performance on Monday (did you see what I did there? Magical!). Finally, Carson bestowed blissful American salvation upon monosyllabic bowtie model Pip, who looked utterly scared to death.
That left Kim “Chaka Kahn” Yarbrough, Katrina “Mold Story” Parker and Karla “Karla” Davis in the bottom three, ready to sing for their lives after a handful of commercial breaks (sadly, there was no repeat appearance of Lisa Rinna’s ‘Depends’ commercial).
Over on Team Cee Lo, the first person to be voted through by America was Juliet Simms, who gave last night’s strongest female performance. Really, I say strongest because her rendition of “Roxanne” literally had biceps (not literally, though). The second save was Jamar Rogers, whose mother’s gracious reaction far outshone his own. And rounding out the three was yet another J: James Massone, who enthusiastically repeated “Yeah, man!” as he scurried offstage to go fix a car.
Before we get on to the last-chance performances, I have to crown tonight’s winner of Most Awkward: “Dip It Low” chanteuse Christina Milian, who invited us into the Sprint social media lounge and made us want to never tweet again. As if a silent room full of people on their phones isn’t awkward enough, Christina asked Tony Lucca and Pip their opinions on who Adam should save. Because that’s not an uncomfortable question.
NEXT: “Sing! Sing, for your life!”