Annnnd we’re back!
Now that the pesky “girl curse” has been broken once and for all — cue theaPharrell Williams prayer hands — it’s obviously gonna be ladies night every night up at Studio 12 for season 11 of The Voice.
Xtina cut and ran from her red swivel seat after helping former child star Alisan Porter achieve her dreams of snipping her Curly Sue roots and being known instead for her ballad belts in season 10. And Pharrell decided to pack up his treasure trove of hand-scrawled message T-shirts, too.
Taking the pair’s place this time around are Alicia Keys and Miley Cyrus, two songstresses who are each having something of a ~moment~ in publicized self-discovery and -love. And judging by tonight’s *real* season premiere, they’re already ready to take charge of this joint and hang tough through Blake Shelton’s signature shtick moves — like whipping out a pair of Miley-cancelling earphones™ and a twin denim coat with giant fake flowers to match Miley’s oddball Canadian tuxedo — and launching the barbs right back at him and Adam Levine. Not to mention, claiming most of the contestants for their own squads, starting with the Olympics soft open which gave the ladies their first gold medal-worthy competitors.
The pre-premiere blinds
Wé McDonald (17 – Patterson, NJ)
“Feeling Good” by Nina Simone
Wé’s name earned a solid pun from the Team Blake pitch train — “I have a little tiny dream of introducing you at the Staples Center and saying, ‘Let me show you the Wé’” — but this girl had stars in her eyes at the very sight of Alicia Keys’ chair turning her direction, so it was over long before the tiny soul singer finished her last deep note and then shocked the whole panel with her Minnie Mouse speaking voice. Alicia’s deal-sealing line: “I got you for real. I heard you just now. I know you. You and me.”
Darby Walker (17 – Burbank, CA)
“Stand By Me” by Florence + the Machine
Darby Walker certainly played to her strengths when she opted to go full throttle with the Florence Welch audial impersonation because she sounded just like the powerhouse during her performance… maybe even too much so. But Miley, Alicia, and Blake tamped their buttons for her, giving Miley an opportunity to take the stage with her flower power style twin — who also shared in her love of Grandma Power, apparently — for a duet of “Jolene,” and with that, it was done.
Jason Warrior (21 – Chicago, IL)
“Living for the City” by Stevie Wonder
This Windy City native has a hankering for musical theater work and thinks his last name is the perfect moniker match for his will to survive and thrive in a dangerous neighborhood. His energy and note runs that won’t quit got the attention of Alicia and Adam, but even Adam knew he had exactly zero chance at welcoming this one into his crew once Alicia mentioned her respect for his sense of focus on being an entertainer. It didn’t help that Adam started bragging about winning three out of 10 seasons because Miley’s right; those stats don’t sound as good as they are.
Dave Moisan (33 — Louisville, KY)
“Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground
The season’s first four chair-spin came by way of this All American-swimmer-turned-Maroon 5 concert enthusiast and medical equipment-slinger. His unironically jazzy rendition of the ‘90s radio hit was enough to perk all of the coaches’ interests, and Adam especially wanted to work with him thanks to their mirror style and falsetto fetches. Dave was ultimately lured over to Team Alicia by her spooky wisdom about getting his soul into it, though, and Adam was pret-ty peeved at Miley and Blake for their added interference.
NEXT: This lady has ’em all begging…