Four for you, America! When given the chance to save one singer each from Teams Blake and Christina, you didn’t let yourselves get distracted by obviously commercial, conventionally attractive artists like Patrick Thomas, Lily Elise, and Raquel Castro. Instead, you took a chance on Beverly McClellan and Dia Frampton — a pair of deserving, creative ladies who wouldn’t have had a prayer if they were competing on American Idol. There’s hope for our fair nation yet.
Frenchie Davis and Xenia Martinez will also live to croon another day, thanks to the decisions made personally by their respective coaches. Christina choosing to save Frenchie was a no-brainer; both of her bald mentees sang circles around their less-seasoned cohorts last week. Blake saving Xenia, however, came as more of a shock. Though he’s styled himself as the shy singer’s greatest champion since Day 1, I assumed that if forced, Blake would choose a straight country artist like Patrick over her. But clearly, Xenia’s got a ton of viewer support — among Voice songs, her sleepy rendition of “Price Tag” was somehow second only to Dia’s “Heartless” on iTunes last week — so maybe Blake made a savvy decision after all. I’m certainly not upset about never having to hear Christina Aguilera beg Patrick to take his pants off again.
(Sartorial aside: I would also like to give Christina’s stylist a bajillion candy canes for convincing the diva to wipe off that crimson lipstick, for a change, and to tame her hair by putting it in two mismatched Avatar braids. Okay, the braids were weird. But either way, for the first time since the blind auditions, Xtina didn’t look like she missed the exit for RuPaul’s Drag Race. Now all we need to do is get those Aguileras under control, and we’ll really be in business. Also, on a totally different note: Did the wardrobe department get a deal on glittery blazers or what? I counted three in tonight’s broadcast; even Blake’s shirt seemed like it had a little extra sparkle.)
Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Eliminations were announced before and after new performances by the members of Teams Cee Lo and Adam. We began with a spectacular, star-spangled trainwreck: Tori and Taylor Thompson‘s “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.” It was like something from the talent portion of a patriotically-themed children’s beauty pageant, only even less well-conceived. Throughout their recital, both girls were preoccupied with trying and failing not to run of breath. In the process, they forgot to look like they didn’t hate what they were singing. Brunette Thompson’s harmonies also completely drowned out Blonde Thompson’s melody the whole time. (I still haven’t figured out which sister is which, and now I’ve got a sneaking suspicion I’m never going to need to know.)
The coaches all professed love for T&T. Christina’s overly effusive comments were most offensive of all because she made them only after plugging her own Andrews Sisters-inspired video. But surprisingly enough, Carson wasn’t quite so kind. After the Thompsons were done, he announced, “It’s Flag Day. That was perfect,” in a voice that was dripping with disdain. That’s weird — I think I just started to like Carson Daly. Snarkery will get you everywhere!
NEXT: “It’s hard to bargle nawdle zouss / With all these marbles in my mouth”