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The Vampire Diaries recap: Mommie Dearest

The Salvatore brothers join forces to take down Lily and her psychopath boy toy.

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Annette Brown/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

type:
TV Show
genre:
Drama
run date:
09/15/11-03/10/17
performer:
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley
broadcaster:
The CW
seasons:
7

Faking your own death and abandoning your two sons are definitely characteristics that would make a woman Mommie Dearest caliber. Lily Salvatore makes Joan Crawford’s aversion to wire hangers look like child’s play. But Lily is a different person now. She has her heretic family under control, the love of her life by her side, and neither Damon nor Stefan is dead. Victories all around!

Stefan invites Lily over so he can calmly remind her that she’s shacking up with a psychopath. He tells his mother than he got Valerie pregnant in 1863, and when Julian found out, he got rid of the baby. Spoiler: Your boy toy murdered your grandchild. Although this was a nice lead-in to the “Let’s Find Mom a New Boyfriend” campaign, Lily isn’t buying it. Valerie is a liar. Stefan concedes, pours his mama a drink, and watches as she falls to the floor from a nice glass of concentrated vervain. Cheers!

Lily wakes up tied up to a chair. Her two sons take turns comparing Julian to their father. Obviously, Lily has a problem dating losers. Especially a man who served a 12-year-old his pet turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. Say it ain’t so! In a flashback, we learn that Giuseppe Salvatore forced Damon to eat poor Sammy. Bring on the nightmares. 

Meanwhile, Bonnie and Enzo find Oscar’s car in a junk yard. Enzo is determined to uncover what is hidden away in the trunk that Julian could possibly want. Oh look! A miniature sword! Bonnie recognizes it and wants to study it closely. Enzo wants to stick the pointy end in Julian’s heart. Guess who wins that argument? Knowing that the sword must be the secret to killing his arch-nemesis, Enzo invites Julian to the creepy woods for a gentlemen’s duel. Swords are the weapon of choice (not the miniature one Enzo found), and the two begin some pretty impressive sparring. Let’s just say that both could be candidates for the Dread Pirate Roberts, should the need arise. 

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Over at the Lockwood Mansion, Damon goes back to that awful Thanksgiving night. As if eating your own pet turkey wasn’t bad enough, Giuseppe accused Damon of stealing money. It’s clear that Damon didn’t take it, but he confessed in order to protect Stefan. His punishment? A cigar to the forearm. Current-day Lily looks wounded and defiant at the same time. She claims that she knew Giuseppe was a monster. And then, her neck begins bleeding. Through choking breaths she reminds her boys that she bound herself to Julian. If he dies, she dies. 

Stefan unties Lily so her neck wound can heal. She tells him that she took the money to buy three train tickets so they could escape Giuseppe. All she cared about was protecting the boys. Then she doubles over with blood soaking her blouse and spilling from her mouth. Cut to Damon shoving the miniature sword he snatched from Enzo into Julian’s body. He scoffs at the Hamlet Community Theater of it all — his mother linking her life to a boyfriend who engages in a duel with the one guy who pines after her. Enzo didn’t know Lily was linked to Julian. He punches Damon out of anger before Julian cracks Enzo’s neck. To quote Damon, “Should Julian be deader?” 

Julian stabs Damon; Stefan arrives and cracks Julian’s neck. Everyone lives because the “special sword” doesn’t permanently kill vampires. Julian runs to Lily, tattling on Damon for trying to kill him, ergo, trying to kill her. Julian picks up the sword and leaves with his bloody girl. Notice that Julian picked up the sword. Because Bonnie is a research genius, she discovered that the sword IS a significant weapon. It just needs one thing to possess the power against immortal foes — the Phoenix Stone. Without it, the sword is just a blade. And now Julian has it.

NEXT: Twinning is winning