At some point in season 7, we may eventually get an episode or two without hearing about Elena being stuck in a coffin — but we’re not there yet. That wound is, in fact, reopened this episode when we find out that Lily was the one who gave Kai the idea to tie Elena’s life to Bonnie’s. No one is happy about that, so an all-out war is called on Team Heretics. But before we talk about how we get there, let’s take a trip to the future.
In our weekly three-years-ahead flash-forward, we finally see where Bonnie is…well, kind of. It looks like some type of mental institution. She’s at a group session sharing how she made a mistake and lost someone she loved, but she’d do anything to take it back. Who could that be? The only person we haven’t seen in the future is Matt, right?
But then things get even weirder. Enzo is waiting in her room when she gets back from group. She asks what he’s doing there. Enzo says, “Things are bad out there, love.” Hmm. Then they make out. Wait, what!? I won’t lie to you, TVD fans — I don’t hate this. I’m confused, yes, but I don’t hate it. I’m very interested to see how we get there from where we are now. Because Present Day Bonnie still very much hates Enzo.
In our regular timeline, Bonnie is focused on figuring out how the Phoenix Stone works. It probably would have been a good thing to investigate before using it to bring two people back to life, but she and her friends were a little short on time. Alaric tells her not to worry about it, that Jo is fine. But that is clearly not the case — both she and Oscar are starving (Jo for Thai food, Oscar for blood) and have no memories. Alaric is walking Jo through their life together, and she very sweetly takes it all in. Lily & The Heretics (great band-name idea) try to do the same with Oscar, but he just sits there and occasionally has rage outbursts.
Everyone should be a little more worried about these zombies they just created (iZombie/TVD crossover idea!), but instead everyone is focused on Julian. Lily tells Enzo that Julian is about to come home, which he relays to Valerie. She’s not eager, but definitely willing, to help when Damon and Stefan corner her and ask to go find Julian with her. The drive down to Myrtle Beach to get him, which gives Valerie and Stefan the perfect time to catch up. And don’t worry Caroline is totes kewl with it and tells Bonnie this is just an opportunity for him to “clear away all the 19th-century drama.” Riiiiight.
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So while Damon tells Valerie every little word that his little brother wrote (and Damon memorized) in his diary about her breaking Stefan’s heart, she tells them about how awful Julian is. She says he once massacred a whole coastline, but Damon says that’s just run-of-the-mill vampirism. We know the real reason, and we know it’s understandable why she wants to set the guy on fire. So she’s going to do exactly that once they finally find his body — yes, as well all suspected and Damon and Stefan are just learning: Julian is dead.
Valerie tells the Salvatore brothers that’s the reason Lily needs the Phoenix Stone. Oh, and surprise! It’s not a stone to bring people back to life; it’s a stone that stores vampire souls. Which means that whoever’s hanging out in Jo and Oscar’s bodies are definitely not Jo and Oscar.
NEXT: Never piss off a heretic