We gave it a C+
The Strain‘s tour around America continues with a stop in North Dakota. A man and a woman on a motorcycle are waving a white flag as they approach a group of armed men. “We come in peace,” declares the man, who is revealed to be Fet. Where’s Dutch? She’s not with Eph or Fet, so is this one of those “I choose me” situations? We know Fet, but we soon learn that the woman is named Charlotte and the armed men are sexists and racists. Fet asks for help finding a missile base. Instead of help, he gets a knife to the throat.
Never fear — Quinlan is here! The friendly vampire kills most of the men. The deaths and lack of progress are clearly taking a toll on Fet. “Days like these, I wonder if this is hell,” he suggests. “I don’t think this is hell,” replies Charlotte. “I think this is hell adjacent.” They kiss. I’m sure hell is hot, but I’m guessing you don’t get to be there with a hot girl.
When Eph returns to Neil’s for another round of fake baseball, he’s instead greeted by a large group of strigoi, who take him and a few others captive. As they’re being transported, an unexpected explosion leaves Eph as the only survivor. Before reinforcements come, Eph tries to make a run for it, but his huge heart won’t let him. He comes across an injured man and decides to leave no man behind. His good deed is rewarded with a gun to head courtesy of the man’s sister, Alex. It turns out they were the ones who bombed the bus. They are surprised to learn there were humans on board, prompting Eph to judge their bomb game. Back at the siblings’ hideout, Eph sews up the man’s leg. Alex won’t let Eph leave, though, pulling a gun — again — and calling him selfish. “You’re why the world is the way it is,” she says, to which Eph replies, “More than you know.” BOOM (in more ways than one)! In exchange for supplies, he agrees to stay for 24 hours to take care of her brother.
Meanwhile, hell has never looked sexier as Fet and Charlotte get frisky in a van. Don’t worry — they live in the van; it’s not just for hook-ups. Fet wakes up alone, and his search for Charlotte leads him to the woods, where he finds someone a little less good looking in Setrakian. “The candle of humanity is being extinguished,” says the old man. “You and Mr. Quinlan are its last hope.” No pressure. Things take a dark turn when Setrakian begins to burn the Lumen, but don’t worry — it was all a dream. Fet wakes up, and instead of finding Salt-N-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine, he finds Charlotte up in the van. “My people back in New York are depending on me,” he confesses to his lady friend. “I feel like I’m failing them.” She’s much more positive. I think he’s got himself a keeper!
Eichhorst goes to see The
Wizard Master, who wants an update on Zach. “The boy has no interest in our work,” opines the right-hand man. “No aptitude for it. He is incapable of shouldering any serious responsibility.” And he’s literally the worst — don’t forget about that. “Great leaders are not born, but forged,” The Master responds. The powerful vampire is grooming his enemy’s son. I know there aren’t a lot of people left in the city, but there’s got to be somebody more qualified. As a “reward” for Zach’s earlier kill, he’s bestowed a young cleaning girl, who is rightfully creeped out by the kid and his pet feeler. The Master might be terrible at picking protégés, but he definitely knows what annoying teenage boys like.
The night after sleeping in a van, Fet and Charlotte are picking corn in the fields. (Who says romance is dead?) Charlotte soon disappears again, but unfortunately, this isn’t a dream. She’s being held hostage at gunpoint, and when Fet finds her, he’s knocked out. The kidnappers are an all-woman group, so Charlotte is treated well, while Fet is chained up in a barn. On the bright side, he’s kept in there with a possible new friend named Roman. Only moments after meeting him, Fet uses his Sherlock-esque skills to deduce that Roman worked at a government missile silo. Okay, the info was right on his jacket, so they’re more like CSI: Miami skills. In order to escape, Fet plays dead and grabs one of the women when she approaches to check on him. The escape is aided by the pitch-perfect timing of Quinlan’s arrival. It’s time to go find some nukes. “Once again, Vasiliy Fet falls into a pile of manure and crawls out smelling of roses,” quips Quinlan. Fet jokingly responds, “That’s my super power.”
What did you think? Did the premiere get you excited for the final season? And who is humanity’s biggest opponent: The Master or Zach?