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The Royals recap: Taint Not Thy Mind, nor Let Thy Soul Contrive Against Thy Mother

Helena and Eleanor do some serious bonding as the shady story behind Domino’s origins is revealed

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The Royals

TV Show
run date:
Elizabeth Hurley, William Moseley, Alexandra Park
Mark Schwahn
E! Entertainment Channel
Current Status:
In Season

O-M-G. Talk about secrets revealed: In the latest episode of The Royals, Helena finally told her daughter all about her humble beginnings, while the semi-shocking truth about Domino  — what it is and what it stands for — finally came to light. Get your tea cups, and let’s get started, shall we?

First things first: After a few weeks jam-packed with mention of the twins’ birthday, it’s actually their freakin’ birthday! Woo hoo! However, after last week’s turn of events, excitement in the palace is basically at an all-time low. With Jasper and Liam reviewing party footage in hopes that it will help shed the truth behind the mysterious blonde connected to Domino, Eleanor and Helena are each in their bedrooms, mourning the end of their respective relationships. Helena, however, gets a rude awakening when the Duchess — a swank-looking Joan Collins wearing black velvet gloves over her iron fists — comes by and wakes her up. (Rather rudely, I might add.) “The monarchy is a brand. Promote it, protect it, or go out of business,” she says, peering down her overly masacara’d lashes at her daughter, who’s still wearing the clothes and makeup from the day before. (Shocking, right?)

This sparks Helena to action, though not the way you might think. Faced with her mother’s outrageous lack of compassion and microscopic attention to all things related to the monarchy, Helena decides to give her Eleanor an extraordinary birthday gift: her time. Although Eleanor probably would have turned her nose up and reached for the blow at the mention of some mommy-daughter time, Helena wisely broaches the subject of QT by asking her daughter if she’d like to see Charlie Jones. 

It turns out that Charlie Jones is Eleanor’s beloved horse, and over a horseback ride and a stroll through the beautiful palace gardens, Helena tells Eleanor all about her humble past as a girl who wanted nothing more than to be married to the local boy who worked as the help on her family’s farm. All of this comes as huge revelation to Eleanor, who slowly realizes that she and her mother had more in common than she’d ever thought. But what about the fact that Helena slept with Jasper? Helena explains it off by saying that she was trying to protect Eleanor — and her heart. Now she sees the error of her ways, Helena says, and wants her daughter to “have a chance at love.” Awww. Also, this: “You say no one will love you for who you really are,” she tells Eleanor. “Someone already does. I do. I always have, and I always will.” Seriously, all the feels. It’s enough to make a girl want to forgive her mom for everything, and Eleanor seems to, which makes this a mother-daughter bonding session for the ages.

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While Helena is showing off her softer side and doing her best to make up for her transgressions as a parent, the Duchess — or “Duchy,” as Eleanor affectionately calls her — is doing what she does best. No, not picking out jewelry or ordering around the servants: cozying up to the crown. Well aware that Cyrus is hook, line, and sinker into his lady, the Duchess counsels him that he better dump the help if he wants to get on the good side of the aristocracy. “Ditch the bitch,” she says. 

NEXT: Domino’s story (nope, not the pizza place)