The great cold war of Orange County is finally starting to thaw. Sure, it only took 10 episodes, but Vicki has extended an olive branch to Tamra in hopes that they can at last repair their friendship. Promising, right? Not so fast: Enough drama starts to brew in this week’s episode that a full reconciliation between those two is no longer certain. Here’s what goes down:
Lydia is…telling anyone who will listen about her husband’s imminent vasectomy. Anyone! You could be the cashier at a grocery store and she’ll probably tell you about the operation, though in much cruder terms than I’ll use here.
Meghan is…totally over the outdoors. She and Lydia head for the hills (literally) to talk about last week’s disastrous drag queen bingo trip and Kelly’s latest outburst, and Lydia admits she’s on Kelly’s side. Lydia doesn’t think there’s any difference between Meghan inquiring about whether Kelly was seeing someone outside of her marriage and Kelly making up a rumor that Meghan’s husband had a mistress. I guess Lydia would probably argue that they are both butting into someone else’s marriage and bringing up affair allegations, but Meghan was asking about whether a rumor she heard was true, while Kelly was making up a rumor with the explicit intention of being hurtful. You can imagine how Meghan takes Lydia’s revelation. In the words of New York housewife Dorinda: “Not well, bitch!”
Shannon is…having the talk. She’s spent all season hinting at the current strain on her marriage, and this week — on her birthday, no less — she finally sat down and had the heart-to-heart with David they were probably overdue for: What’s going on with them as a couple? Did she do something to push him away? Are they okay? And if not, what’s the path forward? Shannon says they hardly spent time with each other anymore and barely communicate. David admits that when she gets stressed — and whoo girl, has she been stressed! — his instinct is to pull away. This seems like a productive conversation, but after they speak their minds they just sit there in silence until the awkwardness is so overwhelming that David gets up and pretends he needs to check on dinner. But while saying grace at dinner, he prays that he and Shannon find their way back to each other, and that’s got to be a promising sign, right?
Vicki is…making a peace offering! Week after week this season, other Housewives have told Vicki that she and Tamra really love each other deep down and should just sit down and hash out their feelings and get over this hurt. Well, they must have finally wore her down, because Vicki makes the call, and it’s also very awkward for all parties involved. (Tamra literally stress-guzzles wine while Vicki is on the other line suggesting they meet for coffee.) But after some playful (I think?) teasing about Tamra’s baking skills reminds her of better days in their friendship, she agrees to meet with Vicki — though we’ll see if it actually happens. They don’t actually link up in this episode because Vicki is too busy whooping it up at her birthday party, where her son-in-law gives her a gun as a present. Just what this group of friends needs right now: firearms!
Tamra is…making a cheesecake. Specifically, when Vicki calls, she’s making cheesecake for Eddie’s birthday, the occasion of which is forcing the Housewives to take sides. Vicki’s birthday party and Eddie’s birthday dinner are on the same day: Meghan and Shannon come to Eddie’s gathering, while the rest go to Vicki’s party. At Eddie’s dinner — a molecular gastronomy meal that seems like something Parks and Rec’s Tom Haverford would have dreamed up — Tamra fills in the other wives on her call with Vicki and her decision to hear her out in person. Nobody seems thrilled by this news; in fact, Meghan and her mom (don’t ask me why she’s there, I have no idea) had actually just commended Shannon and Tamra for sticking to their guns when it comes to Vicki. Oops!
Peggy is…telling it like it is. At Vicki’s birthday party, Peggy shades Lydia for RSVP-ing yes to Eddie’s birthday dinner and then backing out in order to attend Vicki’s birthday shindig, and it’s honestly the most I’ve ever liked Peggy. Also in the episode: Peggy introduces her daughters to Kelly — who, like all of us, seems to have trouble telling Gianelle and Giovanna apart — while Diko continues to educate Peggy about the English language’s most colorful idioms. (Brace yourself for the inevitable reunion supercut.)
Kelly is…clinging to that vaginal rejuvenation story line like her life depends on it. And after spending all of last week complaining about other people stirring the pot and starting drama, Kelly starts doing, well, exactly that. At Vicki’s birthday party, she tells Vicki that she and former Housewife Lizzie Rovsek (making a guest appearance along with former Housewives Gretchen Rossi and Jeana Keogh) have a mutual friend who used to work at a gym with Tamra’s husband; this friend told them that everyone at the gym thought Eddie was gay. (Pro tip, Kelly: Want to avoid stirring the pot? Don’t casually bring up gay rumors about your friend’s husband.) Then, Vicki’s friend Ricky, who was Tamra’s best man at her wedding to Eddie, says he once saw Eddie making out with a guy and implies that sharing this information is the reason why he and Tamra aren’t tight anymore. Vicki, meanwhile, does a terrible job of pretending that she doesn’t want to know any of this and now probably has a tough choice to make: Does she dig deeper into the gossip at the risk of upsetting Tamra, or does she put the rumors aside in hopes of finally mending fences with her?