We made it. After 21 crazy episodes (that’s including these three brutal reunions), we’ve officially made it to the end of the 11th season of the Real Housewives of Orange County. And you know what they say — you gotta save the best for last — and tonight’s third round of low blows, confessions, and screaming matches did not disappoint. The ladies went at it over the accident in Glammis (and why no one went to visit Vicki in the hospital) while Vicki and Shannon faced off over whether or not David did indeed “beat the s—” out of her. Apparently Vicki doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase “spreading rumors,” which is what has gotten her into this mess to begin with… and so, for the last time, here’s the highlights of what we learned and what we gasped over during tonight’s final installment.
- The real reason Shannon didn’t join the ladies in Glammis Dunes is because she has permanent lung damage from so many bouts with pneumonia and can’t be around that type of sand. Sometimes she can’t even — gasp — vacation in Hawaii if the volcanic ash is too bad!
- Meghan didn’t think the accident in Glammis was that serious — even though Heather told her that Vicki was airlifted to the hospital — because it was “TV Heather” delivering the news. So this alter ego “TV Heather” exaggerates dune buggy injuries for sport?
- On that note, Shannon explains that if Vicki wasn’t just airlifted to the ER but had actually been ADMITTED to the hospital, then yes, she would have gone to see her. I’m sure that makes Vicki feel all warm and fuzzy. Vicki swears that, despite the current state of their relationship, she would still go see Shannon if she were in the hospital. Don’t believe it? She dared Shannon to “get hurt” so she could find out.
- According to Tamra, Vicki’s own daughter, Brianna, said that Vicki was over-dramatizing her injuries. As soon as the cameras left, Vicki took off her brace and ran around, drinking wine…
- I don’t know about you guys, but Kelly scared me with how eerily calm she was as she assured Tamra that she was “kidding” when she was yelling at Tamra to “keep walking” after their fight in Ireland.
- So was Shannon trying to get Kelly wasted in Ireland by ordering her drinks she didn’t want and whispering to the waiter to “make them a double”? No, no, no. There’s a very good explanation for it all, per Shannon. The “singles” were too tiny, so Shannon wanted to make sure that doubles were served and everyone could get their fair share. Also, tequila is an upper, which is why Shannon wanted everyone to have some — a little tip that Shannon actually learned from Kelly!
- With all that said, THIS WAS NOT “NAKED WASTED PART DEUX!” Shannon wasn’t even around for Vicki and Tamra’s ploy to get Gretchen “naked wasted.” But FYI, Gretchen has been hanging out with Kelly a lot recently!
- And as we get into the reason why Vicki brought up this rumor that David may have hit Shannon — Vicki insists she doesn’t want to hurt her family. Okay, so then why in the world is she doing this?
- Yes, the allegations of David beating Shannon was Vicki’s “big secret” she was holding against Shannon. Yikes.
- It’s hard to completely make sense of where the beating up rumors stemmed from, but Vicki claims that Shannon texted her pictures where she was all bruised. Shannon explains that it wasn’t what Vicki is claiming: David and Shannon were in a dark place because Shannon had just learned of the affair, drank too much, fell down at a bar, and then got even more banged up when they got home and Shannon tried to barge through a door that David was locked behind. Sounds awful and like something Shannon would want to put behind her — and keep behind her. Why in the world does Vicki want to get mixed up in this and put it on TV?
- Vicki just won’t back down and just won’t admit she went too far. And Shannon is right — this is something horrible that Vicki put out in the universe. Horrible! I do believe that Shannon will never, ever speak to Vicki again. What I don’t believe? That Vicki is good with that.
- It’s beyond my comprehension that even KELLY believes that David did not beat up Shannon and now understands better what happened and Vicki just won’t let it go, insisting that David beat Shannon. It’s scary and sad to watch.
- Vicki makes a point to say that she likes gay people — especially Andy Cohen — but can’t really explain why she repeated what she heard second- (maybe even third-) hand about Tamra’s husband, Eddie, being gay.
- Just like years ago when we struggled with Vicki to understand the meaning of the word “hypocrite” — apparently she’s now struggling with the definition of “spreading rumors.”
- “Douche Van” is how we shall from here on out refer to the van ride from hell en route to the airport in Ireland.
- Per Kelly – the whole world hates Heather but likes her. Okay, whatever helps you sleep through the night!
- Can we get an “amen!?” Kelly admits that her biggest regret of the show was saying anything about Tamra’s daughter.
- And Vicki drops a bombshell — she was still hurt over Cancer-gate, so she was trying to hurt everyone else. Thank you for that revelation, Vicki! Did you also know that water is wet and the beach has sand?
Well folks, there you have it. It’s been quite the ride and I’m really anxious to see what next season holds. Vicki is going to have to think long and hard before she returns to the show. And if she does come back, will Shannon? They have a few months to regroup, decide, and allow us to watch it all unfold…