I think — though not totally sure — that Vicki has taken a page out of the Donald Trump playbook of idle threats. You know how the Donald tried to scare Hillary Clinton during the debates last week with the schoolyard tactic of “well, I could say something really bad about you that will really embarrass you but I won’t… or maybe I will… just don’t piss me off too much?” Perhaps I’m paraphrasing a bit there, but it’s essentially what went down — and basically what transpired between Shannon and Vicki tonight.
If you recall, Shannon and Meghan were not convinced that the accident at Glamis Dunes was severe enough to warrant them leaving their cozy golf weekend in Palm Springs to go visit Vicki — who was all alone — in the hospital. Heather is a master at many things (porte-cochere building, champs drinking, ice cube designing), but alas she failed at conveying the seriousness of an accident where Vicki was airlifted away. Somehow Vicki forgave Meghan for being so thoughtless, but she’s still really pissed off at Shannon even though Shannon left her a very nice message to apologize. Shannon is perplexed that Vicki didn’t return her call — and Shannon’s not wrong, Vicki should have called her back just to be polite at the very least. But Vicki is still pissed that Shannon won’t forgive her for Cancer-gate, so that phone call was too little too late for her liking. And so, things are awkward when they see each other at the grand opening of Meghan and Jimmy’s candle store.
Let me just say, things would have been a lot LESS awkward if a certain blonde housewife with a tiny waist and huge mouth stayed out of it. Ye,s Tamra Judge, that would be you. She immediately stirred the pot by asking Vicki if she ever called back Shannon and impressed upon her why it’s just good manners to acknowledge such a “nice message.” Then Tamra can’t help herself when she overhears Shannon complaining to Meghan about Vicki not calling her back. Tamra takes it upon herself to reiterate to Shannon that she told Vicki it was the right thing to do! So, Shannon decides to confront Vicki in the middle of the candle store party because she just can’t understand why Vicki is being so rude — it’s not like Shannon ever told Vicki she didn’t want to be her friend… oh wait… she absolutely did!
What ensues is a little crazy. The ladies face off: Vicki reminds Shannon that her husband called her a pig at the ‘70s party and then they each accuse the other of being a liar, a kryptonite-like word to Shannon. “You lied, but what did I lie about?” Shannon demands to know. Vicki won’t tell Shannon, but she does reveal to the confessional camera that once upon a time, Shannon divulged to Vicki some massive secrets about her marriage and Vicki just might bring them out of the vault if she’s provoked. Is Vicki lying or just using this as a power play to get Shannon all riled up? Then we catch Vicki in another, I wouldn’t say lie, but weird version of the truth. She tells Tamra about a cop she’s dating and really likes — but isn’t bringing him or any of the men she’s been seeing around because she doesn’t want the other women judging them and doing background checks (honestly, Newport Imaging would be the first call I would make if I were them). FYI Vicki, they wouldn’t even care if you hadn’t just come off a relationship with someone who may or may not have lied about cancer! Then Vicki swears she would never judge the ladies over the men they’re with — and the producers retaliate by showing a quick montage of Vicki berating Tamra for putting up with her ex Simon’s s— and freaking out on Gretchen for dating Slade. The all-mighty, truth-telling power of that camera is amazing!
Now, I do have to wonder if Vicki actually isn’t lying and perhaps DOES have something on Shannon. The next day in the midst of buying her daughters’ organic mattresses, Shannon actually seems a little on edge going over the events of the candle party and trying to figure out if Vicki is bluffing or not. Meanwhile, Vicki and Tamra’s relationship is back on track and as the two hang out, Vicki reiterates that she thinks Shannon is the liar and that she has some major dirt on her. Major dirt that it turns out Kelly of all people has already told Tamra is really bad. So, here we go — Vicki has already spilled these deep dark secrets about Shannon to Kelly. The same Kelly who called Shannon a “see you next Tuesday” and the same Kelly who can’t keep her mouth shut when she drinks. Vicki expects that same Kelly to keep such an explosive secret? And for Kelly to taunt Tamra with the fact that Vicki told her this terrible secret is not going to end well for Shannon, Vicki, Tamra, or Kelly. I really don’t get why Vicki is going there, but my best guess is she’s still just pissed that Shannon thinks she lied about Cancer-gate.
Just wait until Shannon finds out that Vicki filmed a commercial for the charity “Kill All Cancer.”
NEXT: Seriously, what does Vicki know and why did she tell Kelly?[pagebreak]
Meanwhile, Kelly is following the sage love advice of twice divorced (and Cancer-gate relationship survivor) Vicki to try and fix her doomed marriage to Michael. Surprisingly, Michael seems receptive to Kelly’s concerns that they argue too much in front of their daughter and there’s no love there. He actually listens and promises to be more romantic, take Kelly on dates, and just do better in general. This is a great surprise because when Kelly isn’t stressing out over her marriage (which is rare), she’s actually a really cool, thoughtful, fun friend to have around. Her marriage woes are absolutely a huge reason why she gets drunk and acts out. So, we’re hopefully about to turn a corner.
Speaking of Kelly, it turns out that she even told Heather that Vicki knows something explosive about Shannon. We learn this when Heather comes to visit Shannon at her new home. It looks like the accident in Glamis did the unthinkable in bringing Kelly and Heather together but just pulled Shannon and Vicki even further apart. And Heather makes an excellent point: Even though Shannon goes around making a big deal that she doesn’t really care about Vicki and doesn’t want to be her friend, she has to care at least a little or she never would have marched up to Vicki at the candle store party and confronted her for not calling her back. And now Shannon spiraling since Vicki is tarnishing her aura with this threat.
Seriously, WHAT DOES VICKI KNOW? She has to know something because something very, very odd happens at Heather and Terry’s book release party. Shannon acts like she and Vicki are best friends. Vicki has decided to let the ladies meet her new man, a very handsome cop, and Tamra and Shannon are giving Vicki a friendly once over to search for a hickey in her boobs while Shannon is right there joking around with Vicki’s new man like she’s her number one wing woman. And it’s not just me — none of the ladies understand Shannon’s change of attitude. Tamra thinks maybe Vicki does know something that Shannon wants kept under wraps because why else would she make such a drastic switch in her attitude toward Vicki? And it’s not the BS reason Shannon gives, claiming that she did forgive Vicki months ago so why is this weird? Why? Because you guys just faced off at another party just days before this one and declared each other liars, that’s why.
So, it’ll be very interesting to see what we have in store in the weeks to come because all the ladies are heading off to Ireland to “whoop it up” together. The trip is Meghan’s idea. Her pregnancy has caused her to feel depressed and she’s hoping this trip with the main purpose of tracing her and Jimmy’s heritages will help. That will be lovely to see as I hate that Meghan is suffering so much emotionally after all she went through to get pregnant. But, I think the trip will be a way for the women to form their alliances once and for all and see who really has whose back. Kelly is definitely a wild card — especially because we see at the book party that whatever Michael promised to Kelly about doing better was a bunch of BS. He gets drunk and embarrasses her and, well, since Kelly likes to get drunk and embarrass her friends as a way to cope and Ireland is the land of Guinness and Jameson, everyone better hold on tight. As for Shannon and Vicki? We’ll see how this weird game of cat and mouse unfolds. Seriously, what does Vicki know!?