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Real Housewives of Orange County recap: Fire Signs

Meghan’s conquest to determine whether Brooks has cancer intensifies.

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The Real Housewives of Orange County

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

Heather Dubrow meets Meghan Edmonds at some bar for some “chard.” I pray that nickname never catches. We learn Hayley Edmonds threw a 200-person rager at her mom’s place while Meggers and Jim Edmonds were gone, trashing the homestead. Her punishment? Grounding and no summer music festival. Which is light, according to Heather. Her kids would lose their lives, essentially. Though in a mansion that large, they could throw a bash and you may never even know, Dubrow.

Tamra Judge’s mother is newly single, meaning Tamra’s going to fix her mother up. Run, Tamra’s mother. TamTam brought her makeup artist to “make mom look sexy.” In comes mom, Sandy, for her festooning. Suddenly finding a sense of moral decency, Tamra and her high horse question Sandy’s attire, throwing out the term “hoochie.” “My mom needs to dress her age. You don’t wear low-cut zebra print at 60,” she tells us. Tamra, at least she’s wearing clothes. We’ve had to suffer through your fishnet catsuits, nipple pasties, and no shirts at all. You may call yourself a hoochie, but not the woman who raised you and tried to instill a decent set of values in you.

Never one to miss an opportunity to issue a ridiculous drink order, Shannon Beador joins Meghan and Heather. This latest libation MUST involve every lime grown in the past four years, no less. Meggers and her heinous headband-du-jour are “so happy that Shannon let whatever issues she had with me go.” Bad syntax aside, it’s true, and it’s nice to see their beef has been quashed. Shannon’s having a party to celebrate “the year of the Ram,” which is an Aries astrological thingy or something but whatever! Let’s party!

Now the guest list is dissected to determine if Brooks is going (it’s unclear), but what a nice segue for Meghan to announce she’s been calling Brooks’ doctor, posing as a cancer patient to see if Brooks’ doctor really DOES treat cancer patients. Shannon and people who are sane find this to be crazy. However, Meghan’s committed full stop since “people I love have cancer, and if you fake that, I’m going to get to the bottom of it — legally.” Jim Edmonds should take her to the local police station where they can give her a little plastic badge that says “Honorary Detective” and a lollipop.

Meghan’s shenanigans result in the doctor’s office allegedly saying the doc “doesn’t do cancer at all,” which shocks Ole Lemon Bowl Beador. Heather is non-plussed and continues to eat her flank steak. (Red meat is important; gotta get the iron up so more leeches can suck your blood out so you may slather it all over your face.) The women continue to debate which doctor Brooks should be seeing and whether this is any of their business. Heather says it’s not, though they all quickly decide, “it’s been made our business.”

Tamra, penniless son Ryan, and her mother, Sandy, all go out on Sandy’s first date. I’ll give you a second to take that in. A nice older gentleman arrives. I doubt he knew his blind date would also involve a brash, immature housewife, a lazy grandson wearing a knit hat indoors, and a Bravo camera crew. Sandy and her date move a few feet away while Tamra stares, deciding that this perfectly nice man would “have a heart attack were he to go on a jog.” Talk between Tamra and Ryan turns to finances, and she outlines that Eddie was upset about the gift of eight thousands bucks. She adds Eddie would feel better if it were a loan. Here’s where a normal, thankful child would say, “Of course it’s a loan, Mom. I’ll work extra hard to pay you back as fast as possible.” Ryan’s actual response: “So?” Ryan, you turd.

The women get ready for Shannon’s party. To my sheer delight, Brooks IS going. Shannon talks about the whole cancer/no cancer sitch with her makeup artist, while Meggers tells Jimbo Edmonds that she did some MORE digging into Brooks by calling one of his exes who claimed he fabricated a cancer diagnosis. Jimbo’s immediate reaction: “Why?” He may be the world’s largest a–hole, but his pragmatism cuts through Meghan’s nonsense so well sometimes. “Don’t do that again,” Jim Edmonds scolds. Tread carefully, Meghan. You don’t want to end up grounded alongside your stepdaughter.

NEXT: Meghan and Brooks have a showdown.