We start tonight with a venue walkthrough. The venue? Vicki Gunvalson’s backyard. The affair? Tamra Judge’s son Ryan’s wedding. “Vicki’s not charging me, right?” Tamra asks. While Ryan and his fiancée scope out a grotto, Vicki and Tamra plop on the couch to discuss the whole drama surrounding the psychic and Brooks’ (possible) cancer. Vicki still doesn’t know what Meghan Edmonds said, because she refused to let Shannon Beador finish a sentence over dinner, so Tamra tells Vicki what Shannon couldn’t. Instead of hearing Brooks is faking his cancer, Vicki assumes the charlatan of a psychic meant “Brooks has been cured.” Sigh.
“I’m not going to listen to a psychic or Meghan Edmonds—who is 30 years old, a year older than my son,” Vicki snaps. “Shame on her. It’s disgusting. She needs to shut the f— up. For her to even believe a psychic shows how immature she is.” Wait, wait, wait, Gunvalson. You trotted out a psychic to “communicate” with your dead mother and saw nothing wrong with that. So psychics are cool only when you want to use them for your own personal gain? P.S., by your own words, you’re also immature, Madam Funbus. Glad we cleared this up.
Meghan Edmonds goes to meet a man named Zane who works for NASCAR, which sounds about right. Heather and Terry Dubrow and Jim Edmonds are also here. Heather cops to knowing nothing about NASCAR beyond “cars go around and around while you drink,” though “while you drink” could be a suffix Heather adds on to any sentence. (Kind of like the “In Bed” game you play with fortune cookies.) The quartet piles into a pace car for a hot lap around the circuit. It’s not long before they’re cruising at 125mph, inches from the wall, and it looks like the Housewives and Househusbands may need to change their underpants. Back in pit lane, it’s now time to go to the suite and have a cocktail “because it’s at least 9 a.m.!” They all laugh
at the fact that they’re alcoholics. Into a swanky room they file, and it’s milliseconds before a bottle of champers is opened, so everyone is happy.
Vicki sent a nasty text to Meghan, which Meghan reads to Heather. Meggers can’t understand why Vicki’s upset because “the psychic insinuated Brooks doesn’t have cancer; not me.” Actually the fraud said nothing of the kind and you said everything, Meghan. He at least had the common sense to hedge his bets and say he really wasn’t sure about anything, which would be a marvelous maneuver for every psychic. Meghan’s sticking to her ill-advised stance, that it’s weird not to get “proper medical protocol,” whatever that means. Tamra, Eddie, Shannon, and David arrive and Zane shows back up to bring them all down to pit lane again, but Heather and Terry dip out, I assume to add some unnecessary room to their new house. “We’re going to a birthday lunch,” Heather corrects me. “I’ve seen the cars go around and around. I’m good.” Fair point.
I assume there was no booze in the pits because these ladies are back to the alcohol-laden suite, tout de suite. Now Shannon tries to explain why she was a pot stirrer to Tamra and Meghan. Jim Edmonds overhears and provides eloquent thoughts on the matter: “They talking about that sh– again?” Meghan wants to know why Vicki angrily texted if Shannon never said anything. Tamra admits to outing Meghan, though for some reason this doesn’t even faze Meghan. She moves right along to talk about herself and her husband’s ex-wife, LeAnn, who recently passed away from cancer. By continuously spinning every situation to be about herself, Meghan is proving to be a natural Housewife.
Meghan can’t understand that personal experiences are precisely that: personal. Because she knows someone with cancer, her opinions on anyone with cancer must be shared. “Why wouldn’t I question Brooks?” she muses. Because you have no right to do so, Meggers? Meghan finally realizes that she’s “the asshole.” Shannon and Tamra also call themselves assholes. This is the realest moment the Real Housewives have ever shared.
Tamra goes back to a realty office to start getting her real estate license back, and we hear this office found Ryan a new house. They need a check for many thousands of dollars, and Tamra’s going to cut that for him but not tell Eddie because “this is need to know.” I can’t wait until Eddie finds out. Shannon and her kids are painting things, which is a good opportunity for Shannon to remind her small daughters that “I’m fun.” It’s a better opportunity for her kids to retort “not really.” David comes in and drones on about his lack of artistic ability, but in that flat delivery, it all sounds scary and creepy. Has anyone ever poured water on David to make sure he’s not a humanoid robot?
NEXT: Meghan and Vicki have a showdown in Heather’s new home!