Bravo
Tim Stack
July 12, 2017 AT 10:00 PM EDT

We sure AF learned a lot about the ladies’ sex/dating lives on this week’s RHONY. It was a bit like watching an episode of American Horror Story but with more Tito’s. In lieu of a typical written-thru recap, I’m gonna just deliver the highlights:

  • Sonja thinks she was allergic to Harry Dubin’s sperm.
  • We’ve now met like 100 other Bethenny employees, including a cute bearded man named Rory. Bethenny’s universe keeps expanding as quickly as the Marvel universe.
  • Bethenny wears a fedora as she goes over her vacation schedule.
  • Ramona pronounces a tiny caffeinated beverage “expresso.”
  • Carole and Adam went to court because he didn’t get his security deposit back. He won. Carole wore a cute brooch, which I think is what made the difference. Well, and she also got laid the night before.
  • Ramona sends Bethenny a text telling her how bad she feels about what’s going on with her ex-husband Jason.
  • Sonja goes to someplace called Romeo & Juliette for hair removal. Sonja delivers the very uncomfortable news that both Tinsley and Luann have hairless vaginas.
  • Sonja describes her pubic hair as a “pretty auburn-y blond. Like a Madison Avenue blond.”
  • We learn a lot about Sonja’s sexual preferences, including hairy balls. “Little hamsters,” as she calls them.
  • Carole is setting Tinsley up on a date with an “entrepreneur” from Chicago who gets labeled as a “bear” during a steak dinner with the gals.
  • Tinsley is moving out of Sonja’s townhouse and into a hotel. FOR TWO MONTHS.
  • Bethenny tries to invite Ramona to Mexico and Ramona like flies off the deep end. Bethenny says she doesn’t want her to come, and Ramona refuses: “It’s a group trip!”
  • Hahahaa Ramona has no recollection of saying Bethenny slept her way to the top. Can a producer run over with the tape?
  • Ramona says she and Bethenny are like oil and vinegar. Bethenny explains to her that oil and vinegar actually go together and, in fact, they’re on the table.
  • Carole’s friend Scott loves Tito’s, so Tinsley is basically prepared to marry him. He also likes pools, which excites her.
  • Tinsley may not be an awesome first date. She talks about her ex-husband and says drinking makes her feel “more like myself.”
  • She also starts making out with Scott in front of Carole and Adam.
  • Luann has an entire drawer of statement necklaces and, obvs, packs a handful of them for Mexico.
  • Ramona: “I always have a great trip with these girls.” UM THAT IS FAKE NEWS RAMONA.
  • Dorinda almost forgets to pack a bathing suit, which leads me to believe she and John had recently had memory-erasing sex again.

Next week: Mexico and what I can assume will be a lot of screaming and age-inappropriate bathing suits!

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