Welcome to a world where no one discusses Munchausen syndrome. The gals of the Real Housewives of New York are back. We’re down one shapewear creator (Heather) but we’re up one Asian Jewish lady (Jules). I for one am just happy to be in a Housewives world where there is actual conflict and awkward conversations about dry cleaning.
So we open with last year’s rookie Dorinda back for a second season and visiting Bethenny’s new apartment. I remember Bethenny’s apartment being one big Skinnygirl branding opportunity (a lot of red and white), but I think it’s been scaled back. It’s a really amazing apartment. Dorinda claims she’s taken a break from drinking (DON’T YOU NOTICE HER BEAUTIFUL SKIN?!?!?!) but Bethenny calls B.S.—she saw Dorinda do-rinking in the Hamptons. This is like the Housewives equivalent of I Know What You Did Last Summer a.k.a. I Know What Martinis You Did Last Summer. Bethenny updates us that Carole is very much in love and basically in hiding with her young man friend, Adam. Oh and Dorinda says she wants to bring a new friend to lunch (and into the television program): a lady named Jules. She’s apparently quite sunny, which will naturally not last with this group.
Carole now has a baby. Well she has a puppy named Baby. GOTCHA. But she and Adam seem really happy and do cute couple things like wearing ripped jeans and buying cameras together.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is Ramona who’s single aside from a big new pair of boobs. She’s hitting up bars with her lady friends and mispronouncing the wait staff’s names. Basically, she’s YOLO-ing or whatever the YOLO equivalent is on the Upper East Side. And she’s super psyched that Avery is 21 so she can come to the bars with her. But Avery is not real into men buying her mother drinks or watching her mother flirting. Well, Avery, you better buckle up.
Meanwhile, Sonja has a new intern named Juliona, which I’m pretty sure is a made up name. Also — WHERE IS PICKLES? Sonja’s upstairs painting furniture when Luann stops by to announce she’s going to stay the night there. It seems that Luann has a date and wants a place to crash. But Sonja is not cool with her bringing back a date to the house. This isn’t Turks and Caicos, Countess! Somehow the conversation turns to Luann being part Native American and having more teeth than the average person. This appalls Sonja because it really impacts Luann’s oral sex life. Then, we get a nice confessional where Sonja explains how one performs oral sex. What a time to be alive.
NEXT: Lunch dates on lunch dates on lunch dates