Last week on Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen teased that this episode of RHONY was in the top five best episodes in the series. ANDY COHEN SPEAKS THE TRUTH. I don’t even know how to fully recap this since most of the language is, shall we say, colorful. And I mean with a big, big C.
We open right back at the Berkshires, and you can tell it’s a dramatic episode because it’s time stamped. It’s basically like an episode of 24 with fur vests and vaginal rejuvenation. Bethenny and Luann are still in their Who-Invented-Skinnygirl fight. It sorta ends and it seems like everything is fine. Then Bethenny calls Luann a “plastic f— doll,” which doesn’t really seem like there’s water under the bridge.
Then, the battle royale begins. I mean I have seen fights on this show before. Bethenny vs. Kelly. Heather vs. Luann. But this is like nothing I have seen before. Bethenny goes in HAAAAAAARD on Luann. She all but makes Luann do the Cersei Lannister walk of shame through the streets of the Berkshires. She calls out the Countess on the rounds and rounds of sex she’s been having but then acts like she’s so prim and proper. Bethenny basically becomes like Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix. She all but ignites herself on fire. You can sum up the fight by this quote that Bethenny throws at Luann: “You f— everyone!” Happy holidays!
So apparently Bethenny’s friend saw Luann go after Tom like right after he broke up with Ramona. She said something to the effect of, “My turn!” Tom is basically the equivalent of an Upper East Side mechanical bull.
While this is happening, Dorinda’s housekeeper, Len, is just like chillin’ in the kitchen arranging the deli meats in a jazzy bell-sleeve blouse. I feel like Len is the new Pickles. I hope she doesn’t disappear.
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Jules actually runs out of the room because, as we learned last week, she doesn’t like conflict. I couldn’t tell if she covered her “facial” but she didn’t bump into any walls so I’m feeling like no. Luann then starts saying that Bethenny copied her hairdo, which could be a fair point. They don’t look dissimilar. Bethenny finally walks away after dropping a lot of “whore,” “slut,” and a word that rhymes with “stunt.” Luann, ever the hip wordsmith, then attempts to call Bethenny a “beyotch” but comes closer to saying “baaayatch.”
NEXT: Meanwhile on the UES…