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'RHONY' recap: 'Airing Your Dirty Laundry'

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The Real Housewives of New York City

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
seasons:
7
run date:
03/04/08
distributor:
Bravo
broadcaster:
Bravo
genre:
Reality TV

TipsyGirlGate is far from over, you guys. Given the typical Real Housewives of New York City incident-to-episode ratio, it looks we’ve got at least a couple more weeks worth of prosecco-induced spat sessions to go, so chug-a-lug along because that’s why we’re all here, riiiight? Tonight, it’s Bethenny Frankel’s turn to speak about the “cheater brand” and all its lack of glory, and let’s just say, it might have been a less brutal move for her to just break a bottle of her own brand over Sonja Morgan’s head instead of the talking-to she delivers. Yowza.

Meanwhile, Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley aren’t seeing eye to eye when it comes to a certain someone (*cough John cough*), but they’re going try to each put on their big girl panties and rekindle their old friendship flame … even if it does result in a giant, liquor-fueled explosion later. Burnnnn babies burn.

Tipsy vs. Skinny Girls

Bethenny Frankel’s pretty much running the alcohol game, and when she invited Sonja Morgan to join in on her brand summit meeting and take notes a while back, she should’ve already been feeling that knife pointed at her back from the start. Sonja’s always looking for a way to make a quick buck — whether it’s a toaster, jewelry line, wiring money to some prince who’s e-mailed with a promise to return the investment tenfold. So, she might as well peel off her outer layer and reveal exactly how green she is with envy over Bethenny’s success right now, and she *definitely* should just fess up to wanting a piece of the Skinny Girl pie. Or cocktail, as the case may be.

Sonja says she’s not “planning to be a ‘mogul’ like [her] girl Bethenny,” but the dollar signs flashing in her pupils say otherwise. After consulting with LuAnn de Lesseps, who, for the record, also would’ve given at least a friendly heads-up to Bethenny given the nature of this rip-off these product similarities. But, lo, it was gossip news sites that first confirmed the news that Sonja was making a play in the spirits department, which means Bethenny’s peeved double-fold (although corporate snaps for all the mentions of her brand this ep, right?) and their conversation is going to be beyond awkward. And just when Bethenny was getting somewhere in the love-life department by hanging with a new special someone “‘til four-a-mother-f—ing clock in the morning” which is, in her words, “some rock star s—.”

Bethenny first checks in with Ramona and Carole Radziwill at a random dinner (where Ramona shows just how much she knows/cares about Bethenny by ordering “fish and tuna,” both of which she’s allergic to). They agree that Sonja’s pulling some major B.S. with the Tipsy Girl title idea; Ramona even offers up her knife to make the final friendship cut. But Bethenny promises it’s going to be a clean break. “Here’s my mantra in life: I don’t f— with anybody. I don’t come for anybody. I never just f— with anybody. Just don’t f— with me.” (Anyone else imagining that exact line as the prologue to her next book?)

NEXT: Sonja’s ripped a new one, and Ramona gets the “talk to the hand” treatment …

[pagebreak]

When the fateful day arrives for Sonja to visit Bethenny’s office — which is actually an open floor-plan apartment, so Bethenny’s assistants are all unwittingly joining in here — Sonja waltzes right on in, unaware of the bloodbath that’s about to commence. Which, coincidentally, will be the same shade of red that Bethenny uses as her “signature” throughout her life and which Sonja’s admittedly copycatted on her website.

Bethenny begins by picking apart Sonja’s business plan based on her knowledge of the distribution model and the seamlessness of what Sonja and this Peter guy she knows so well have going. He’s a known “no-show and no-go” guy, but somehow Sonja’s convinced herself this guy knows what he’s doing. That’s when Bethenny delivers the first sting: “Right, is this like the stores that your clothes [are] in?”

She then points out the obvious: There’s no way Sonja didn’t realize that similar brand titles would piss Bethenny off. Simply no way. She then proceeds to educate her on the concept of a “cheater brand,” while Sonja tries to pass off the title similarities as a happy accident — while in the same breath admitting to wanting even a fraction of Bethenny’s success. Bethenny’s no dummy, though. She’s not buying the “fluke” line, but the good news for her is that it really doesn’t matter. Tipsy Girl is not going to interfere with her business whatsoever. It’s not even a blip on her radar, now or probably ever.

Sonja falls back on some crocodile tears to explain how she’s been having a hard time since filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and she just wants to put her daughter through school and all that jazz — she actually expected Bethenny to want to try a sip of this stuff in support — but by then Bethenny’s heard enough. She lets her show herself out, but not before Sonja asks her assistants in a snide way, “Does that mean I can’t do pocketbooks because LuAnn’s doing pocketbooks?”

Well, not if they have the word Countess in them you can’t. To be continued for SURE.

Dorinda’s dude gets dissed

Ramona not liking Dorinda’s boyfriend (meaning, hating the air he breathes) is causing some problems between them. There’s a wedge so big even Bethenny couldn’t wear it as a heel right now, so they decide to hit up an old haunt near their kids’ school and share a pumpkin waffle and some egg whites to make up for lost time. Dorinda wants Ramona to give John a real chance — “I love him and he’s part of my life, and I can’t feel awkward anymore,” she implores. After all, they’ve been seeing each other for three years now (insert a Ramona’s mind being blown GIF here), so it’s not like he’s some flash in the pan boyfriend anymore. Fair enough, right?

Right, so Ramona agrees to try. But after she’s gotten deep enough in the river of sauce with LuAnn and Sonja to smash a wine glass and make a squicky “you’re wet” remark to LuAnn about her suggestion that “It’s Raining Men” is the new soundtrack to her own life, trouble’s practically spelling itself.

NEXT: Talk to the hand …

[pagebreak]

John’s company is having a celebration party for one of its designers, and Ramona wasn’t invited to it, but that’s not even a speed bump to her boisterous arrival. She traipses in ready to light the whole place on fire. Conveniently, that’s when she runs into Rey, a weirdo to end all weirdos who once found himself in the Countess’ sheets and wants to close-talk about some fascinating gossip. (Roughly translated, that means the guy is making a giant, embarrassing scene, and Ramona’s just eating it up.)

John steps in to ask the guy to leave — as is his right, since, ya know, it’s his work party and all — but Ramona defends this sloppy mess of a man by saying that she’s having a conversation with him. Her histrionics are about as exaggerated as they can possibly be, sure, but John manages to turn himself into the bad guy by putting his hand in front of (or perhaps even on? It’s hard to tell because camera angles) her face.

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Dorinda throws down a fury fit at Ramona for making a scene at her party — how dare she — and then gives John the cold shoulder while she gets a cab home because even though she agreed with him trying to boot Rey, she can’t get down with him putting a hand in a woman’s face … even if it is Ramona “The Infuriating” Singer’s face.

Other thoughts:

  • LuAnn razzing on Sonja about her skimping on the heating bill’s a little cold, no?
  • How did the “I heard LuAnn’s ‘a squirter’” moment not get more play? Come on. And the vaginal rejuvenation routine Sonja mentioned? Sounds like a winning idea for the next girl’s night out, amiright?
  • Julianne’s nanny search should of been complete with Shyma right then and there. The girl is bilingual and she offers emergency blowouts. Sold.
  • Princess Carole should just keep Vinnie the kitten. Baby clearly loves him, and as a bonus, he could totally serve as a first-line taste tester for all the boy’s random kitchen concoctions while she sneaks some junk food.
  • Carole’s book philosophy is about the most bland thing in the history of everything: “Love Your Life, Love Your Food, Love Yourself.” It’s like one of those Instagram inspirational quotes punched itself in the gut and threw up this awful bit of kitschiness. Nope. Nope nope nope.

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