Exaaaaactly how many birthdays do the women of RHONY have? First it was Bethenny’s “tailgate chic” birthday party, then it was Ramona’s ladies-who-lunch birthday party, and now it’s Sonja’s sneak-attack product-launch birthday party, where Ramona will talk about her own birthday party gifts.
But who cares? It just means we get more absurd birthday fighting, and this time, with necklace rashes! And as an added bonus, Carole — the women who thinks she only has five more good summers ahead of her — thought it was time to look to the future once more. But this time, instead of using coffee grounds, they’re just using a good old-fashioned celebrity psychic, Kim Russo. I have a number of favorite Housewives tropes: any absurd assertion of being “old money” while actively participating in a reality show; talking about someone at a group lunch when they’re about a bowl of guacamole away from you; a group trip to Dubai to mend fences. But among my very favorites has to be bringing in a psychic, whether wanted (New York) or unwanted (oh early Beverly Hills, we miss you and Allison DuBois and e-cigarettes so!), to bring the women to tears.
Carole invites Kim Russo to her apartment, and she immediately gets down to psychic business, while Bethenny immediately gets down to destroying the cheese tray so she doesn’t have to pretend like she buys any of this. But the other women are pretty convinced: Kim tells Jules that she’s beginning to connect with her mission in life to be a role model, something that she’s done in previous lives, and Jules feels sure that’s a reference to speaking out on her eating disorder. Kim talks to Ramona about her father and freaks her out by identifying a very specific picture they took right before he died. And she tells Dorinda that her late husband Richard thinks John is “fine for now,” but that he doesn’t make her feel safe, and Kim gets the feeling she won’t marry him. And then Ramona slips out a, “Thank God”…
And then Dorinda loses her shit in that very special way that only Dorinda can — hands flying, words slurring, usually something falling out of her mouth a little bit — yelling at Ramona that she needs to cut that out, and John doesn’t like here either and thinks she’s a bitch, and then she invokes the name of Mario. But Ramona apologizes, and they get past it because these women seem to be able to easily tolerate somewhere between a weekly and bi-weekly screaming match. (Bethenny eats more cheese and says she’d be impressed if Kim could tell her “how many times I masturbate a year,” so it’s very possible that Bethenny is just unclear on what a psychic medium’s whole thing is.)
Carole goes over to Jules’ house to teach her how to make tea and say things like, “You have to articulate your suffering in a way that emancipates you and empowers other women,” that give Jules chills and make her decide that she has a connection with Carole. Something about Jules’ naivete to the Housewives process and her search for role models amongst the cast reminds me of Porsha’s first season on Atlanta, so we can only hope that in three season’s time, Jules will have a glowing mug shot, a new pair of boobs, and an entirely different personality.
NEXT: Team Skinny vs. Team Tipsy