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'Real Housewives of New York City' recap: 'Birthday Bashing'

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The Real Housewives of New York City

TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
run date:
Reality TV

This season of RHONY is SO. DAMN. GOOD. This might be one of the best ever. It also just makes the terribleness of RHOBH soooooo apparent. I mean in one episode of RHONY we got an eating disorder reveal, a reference to Beautique, and 50 women drinking Chardonnay at a birthday party. WHAT MORE CAN YOU WANT?

The episode opened with Bethenny packing Brynn for some sort of trip. It’s unclear where she’s going. But Bethenny does not allow Brynn to check her luggage. That tiny lady has to roll her own bag. But Brynn also needs to approve all of her ensembles, including her “evening looks.” This is a very relatable sequence for working mothers in America.

Next, Dorinda and Carole meet up for dinner. Carole reveals that she lost her phone, which did not have a password. Um lady, I know you ride on the handlebars of bikes and like to wear Forever 21 sweaters, but you need to be a little more grown up with your phone. They basically get through the entire meal and then Jules shows up, which feels more than a little late. She’s pretty annoyed with Bethenny after she basically unleashed the Kraaken at Jules’ construction brunch. She then proceeds to throw major shade on Bethenny’s ginormous Hamptons house that Jules refers to as a “center for ants.” I just love that image. Like a performing arts center for some little bugs. But also BETHENNY’S HOUSE IS HUGE. These people are nuts. If you’re going to judge something, judge her gigantic duck in the front yard.

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Ramona and Sonja are finally reunited when the former comes over to Sonja’s abode. Before she gets there, Sonja says something about an event at Beautique/Bootique/Buutique. We better go back to that joint this season. So Ramona comes over and basically immediately launches into yet another “Sonja drinks too much” discussion. Well, Lady Morgan is not thrilled by that. Also, Ramona insinuates that Sonja’s boozing is the reason that Bethenny didn’t invite her to her Hamptons b-day party from hell. Probably not helping Morgan’s party antics is the fact that she’s offered Luann to live in her house. Sonja thinks it would be like Three’s Company, which is confusing because it’s just the two of them. Apparently the last time Luann stayed at Sonja’s she came in at like 5:30 a.m. I can’t even stay up past 1 a.m. What the hell is the Countess doing? Actually, I don’t really want to know. #beautique

NEXT: Ramona’s birthday party < Bethenny's birthday party [pagebreak]​

Bethenny and Jules meet up for lunch. Bethenny walks in with an umbrella handler. Again, very relatable moment. Jules attempts to be coherent about her beef with Bethenny, but it mostly comes out as gibberish and Bethenny has to connect the dots. But the real revelation is that Jules admits that she had an eating disorder when she was younger. Two minutes after she says this, Bethenny just starts crying. She says it brings back memories of her mother. Then, Jules says she and Michael want to set Bethenny up with a Greek shipping heir. Note to Jules: I also would like to be set up with a Greek shipping heir. Thank you.

Then, there’s another lunch with Bethenny, Ramona, and Carole. Bethenny says she doesn’t trust Luann. Apparently the Countess aggressively wanted to be invited to Bethenny’s Beverly Hills Housewives dinner party and Bethenny was like nope. Luann did the whole “Don’t be uncool” routine, which is real old already. Also, it’s bizarre to hear them talk about the other Housewives. It’s like Frank and Claire Underwood BOTH addressed the camera at the end of House of Cards. Game changer.

The big climax to the episode is Ramona’s b-day party with like 50 of her friends. Bethenny arrives first and is swarmed by Upper East Side ladies who probably can smell her youth. They all sort of stare at her like vampires wearing Eileen Fisher. Everyone is real into her haircut though. Look for bobs to be big on UES this spring!

Ramona shows up late and is annoyed that there are other people wearing red. Apparently red is now Ramona’s color. She already claimed blue. Now, red. It’s like she’s the modern day Betsy Ross. Oh and her cake is a huuuuge Chanel purse. Very on brand.

When Sonja arrives, Jules comes up and swats an eyelash out of her eye. Sonja hopes it’s an eyelash, but she had a big night the previous evening, so who knows! So what she’s saying is: Jules basically could have been grabbing a pube off Sonja’s face. Now that would be an episode of Three’s Company.

Luann shows up and gives Bethenny a purse for her birthday and then regifts a necklace she’s already given to Ramona and had to have fixed. That might be a wee bit “uncool.” Upon receiving her monogrammed purse, Bethenny takes a moment to lay into Luann and tell her she’s upset about the house Bev Hills dinner party situation. At the same time, Jules is telling Carole how “warm” she finds Bethenny now. Hahahahah. So then, Luann starts tearing up, which I have not seen. It’s the Housewives equivalent of a unicorn. But the pair kinda make up.

There’s a little talk about John, but it’s sorta boring. Dorinda, though, does give a really nice toast to Ramona at her b-day party. But that bra party has done its damage.