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Real Housewives of New York City recap: The Biggest Boob

Bethenny gets in a brawl with John, and Jules gives us way too much person information

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The Real Housewives of New York City

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

Scary Island. Turks & Caicos. The Bra Party. Please welcome the latest drama-fueled destination to the Housewives mythology. I’m still frankly on the fence as to whether this will inspire more brassiere parties or just kill the trend altogether. I’m also still on the fence as to whether this is an actual trend or something Dorinda invented during her summer of “not drinking.”

So the episode picked up right were we left off last week at the aforementioned bra fiesta. Dorinda was still reeling from Ramona dropping the bomb about John speaking crudely about their sex life. Jules was just shocked that the “elderly” could behave so badly. I can’t wait till the reunion for the women to address her calling them “elderly.”

Finally there is some actual bra action. Bethenny and Dorinda even have a brief conversation while both clad in bras and their nipples revealed. Neither bats an eye. Then Carole tries on some weird bra with Jules, and they again discuss how skinny Jules is. But don’t worry: She still gets her period every 30 days. Carole is like, “Cool. What’s your name again?”

Ramona sorta spirals about what to say to Dorinda. Bethenny encourages her to apologize to her. Ramona talks to herself and is kind of confused how to apologize. It’s like she’s never said the words before which… sounds fair. She finally just walks up to Dorinda and gives a half-assed apology and then runs out to go meet men down at the bar. Carole leaves too to have date night with Adam. She’s got to take them while she’s can since she only has five good summers left.

So it’s just Bethenny, Dorinda, and Jules hanging out the bra party. Oh, and there are also several rando people still lingering who are never really introduced. I’m assuming bra party extras. But somehow John finds out that the ladies were talking about him and starts calling and texting Dorinda. Then he shows up completely wasted and wearing an ugly scarf for what seems like decorative purposes. He almost immediately starts getting up in Bethenny’s grill and basically accuses her of stealing Skinnycow’s branding. Bethenny got no time for this. Then, he says she’s jealous of his romance with Dorinda. Bethenny got no time for this either. She gets up and starts yelling back. Dorinda mostly circles the party in both frustration and confusion; it sort of looks like she can’t figure how to get out. Also, at this point, it’s clear she’s wearing a XXXL T-shirt. Everything is weird. Finally everyone seems to leave in a huff. And Dorinda takes home a bra in her purse.

Meanwhile, Luann and Sonja go apartment hunting for the Countess. Her old roomie from 30 years ago turns out to be Luann’s realtor. I would absolutely watch a fictionalized version of their life living together in NYC. Get on that, Bravo. It could be like The Carrie Diaries. Although in The Luann Diaries, it sounds like young Lu just did the same thing she does now: Bring sketchy dudes home with her (see: Turks & Caicos).

Bethenny and Sonja have a meet up at Bethenny’s weird apartment/office space. Once again, we are alerted to how much money Bethenny is spending in legal fees. On the plus side, though, the new Skinnygirl candy is delish. Ramona tells her that Dorinda has been texting her very dramatically. And then they call Jules to ask for her opinion on the whole night, and she’s basically incoherent. But don’t worry: She has her period every 30 days.

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So then everyone heads to the Hamptons for Bethenny’s birthday party. Dorinda and John actually end up staying with Jules and Michael. Their house is sort of weird and has a huge whole in the wall where the indoor pool is going. They love an empty wall space. Every one of their homes look like temporary housing. Dorinda gets all revved up for a dinner with Bethenny and Ramona. Michael quotes Julius Caesar, and Jules looks completely confused. “I don’t remember that part from the movie.” But don’t worry…

So Bethenny and Ramona get to the restaurant first and have some fun banter about tiny penises. Then, Dorinda shows up and they go right into the John situation. Ramona apologizes pretty genuinely, and Dorinda seems to accept it. Bethenny is more annoyed that Dorinda hasn’t apologized to her for John screaming at her. She finally does, and then they seem to mend things. But Dorinda says that maybe now she has to hang out with all these women separately from John, which puts her in an awkward position. Her daughter already doesn’t like him. Now, all her friends/TV costars don’t enjoy his company either. But don’t worry: Jules still gets her period every 30 days.