The more I think about it, the more I love this season of RHONY. And we’re only two episodes in. But boy are we off to a jazzy start. I hope everyone from RHOBH is watching this and taking notes. You need to throw bra parties and you need to throw fits. Pay attention, Eileen Davidson.
So we start the episode in Jules’ oddly artless apartment. Did they, like, just move in? Or is this a fake apartment? It just does not feel very lived in. Basically, her life comes down to cooking for her husband and negotiating (not very well) with her children. It is not a life that I envy.
We cut to Bethenny buying jewelry for herself at the same place I believe Bethenny bought her wedding ring. Bad mojo alert! Like, she’d be better off going to Zales. She invites Dorinda and Carole to swing by and, I guess, stare at her while she spends inordinate amounts of Skinnygirl money. Dorinda immediately starts talking about John and how great he is and how they have great sex. Bethenny (and the audience) shuts down emotionally.
Then, they talk about how fun the new single Ramona is, but Bethenny admits that she’s still a little wary because Ramona has burned her before. Dorinda, though, says that in 20 years Ramona has never done anything bad to her. This is basically the Real Housewives equivalent of summoning the Candyman. If you say something has never happened, IT. WILL. HAPPEN. Or if you say Ramona’s name three times, you’ll get gutted.
The Sonja and Luann living-together sitcom continues as they sit down for a meal in her kitchen. So far, though, there haven’t been as many high jinks as I would have liked. Luann talks about not being friends with Carol and still not really being over the whole Adam thing. If ever there were a story line as tiresome as Munchausen, it might be this Luann-Carole-Adam battle. Oh, but we do learn that Sonja burns sage in her kitchen to get rid of demons. Can we please get this on camera?
Bethenny and Carole then have lunch and also talk about the whole Luann thing. Carole just never wants to see her again, which is going to prove challenging since YOU STAR ON A REALITY SHOW WITH HER. But Bethenny says Lu was real cray cray over the summer in the Hamptons. Like, she would call Bethenny to see if they were hanging out and then text her things like, “Don’t be uncool.” Someone is getting a little too comfortable with that slogan. Countess, you already got a single out of this — let it go.
NEXT: Dorinda’s bra party
Basically this all just lead up to the pivotal moment of the episode: Dorinda’s bra party. It’s never really explained why Dorinda throws a bra party. She has some weird speech about finding out she’s never worn the right size bra like three years ago, but that seems like a fun story you could email your friends. Or even a Facebook update. I’m not sure your boob size necessitates a fiesta. But this is a Housewives show.
Ramona is anxious about attending Dorinda’s “brassiere” party (that’s what she calls bras because she’s Ramona). She tells Bethenny on the phone that a friend of hers overheard John saying that he likes to get really tanked, pop Viagra, and then go and have sex with Dorinda for like 6 hours. She feels like she should tell her friend this, but first she puts it out there on television. These are good, good friends.
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The bra party is held at a suite at the Gansevoort, obvs. Everyone slowly shows up. Bethenny dresses like she’s coming from participating in motorcross, leather pants and everything. Again, there’s much talk about how skinny Jules is and how she has no breasts. Carole is super not-psyched to come since she doesn’t wear a bra unless it’s for show. I’m not sure Dorinda really thought much about this guest list.
So there’s a lotta talk about cups and boobs and what not, and then finally Dorinda says she wants everyone to be honest after Ramona and Carole get in a little tiff. Well, Bethenny takes that as a chance to say how she’s sick of Dorinda “selling” John to the group and making excuses. This just makes Dorinda go bats— crazy. She pretty much ruins the vibe of her bra party. Since she has zero ability to read a room, Ramona then tells her the whole thing about John and the Viagra and the lengthy sex. Well, that also makes Dorinda go bats—. She’s even more insulted by Ramona than she is by Bethenny. Meanwhile, the bra-fit experts who were invited just pretend to inspect the racks of lingerie. I hope they got an hourly rate. Oh, and this all happens on Bethenny’s birthday. I love this show!