The season of the rich lady vagina continues unfortunately. While RHONY started off super strong early on, I feel like we’re starting to tread water with these past few episodes. Aside from the constant vagina talk, it’s just the same arguments being rehashed now. The Luann/Carole battle is officially the most boring disagreement on television, but it looks like there’s an end in sight.
So we begin and Bethenny is a few days from her surgery but has a big Skinnygirl chocolate event to handle. So she brings in Mariah Carey’s make-up artist Kristofer Buckle and a hairstylist named Tokyo to basically turn her into Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element. It’s unclear why she requires this anime look to sell low-cal candy. Her team has also created her a clutch that looks like a giant candy wrapper. In terms of branding, all that’s left is for Bethenny to tattoo “skinny” on her forehead.
Sonja and Ramona decide they need some new dance moves because just sorta awkwardly bouncing with their fingers pointing isn’t doing it for them. Also, no one has mentioned Sushi Roxx in a couple of weeks, so they decide to hire one of the acclaimed dancers from that bizarre establishment. I still don’t really understand what goes on there, but apparently you can get a California Roll and see someone do the Nae Nae. I wouldn’t say they exactly crush the routine taught to them, but they also stop for a good portion and just gossip about Luann. I’m imaging the Sushi Roxx dancer just standing there staring at them in confusion. Ramona proclaims the choreography to be somewhere in between “hip-hop” and “new wave.” I’d peg it more between “drunk at a wedding” and “drunk at Beautique.”
Jules continues to graphically discuss and show images of her vagina, but this time it’s at her plastic surgeon. She and her doctor go back and forth describing her wounded genitals in increasingly disturbing ways. Jules says at one point that it looks like a ball sack. Now I am lacking in a great deal of experience with that lady area, but I have no idea how it could resemble said feature. Nor do I want to know. Either way, I’m glad she’s getting it worked on so we don’t have to talk about it or see blurred images of it. Plus, Jules says that her vagina just doesn’t fit her personality. To me, that means her vagina struggles with asserting itself and simple cocktail party conversation.
NEXT: And the vagina struggles don’t end there…[pagebreak]
Back in vagina town, Bethenny and Carole go to an internist to have a second opinion. This lady has a kickass office, which makes me immediately think she must be a wonderful doctor. Or at least a really rich lady. She tells Bethenny she wants to test her out on some hormones and see how she takes to that and if it makes her feel better. You can tell Bethenny is just waiting for someone to tell her not to have this surgery.
Then, B has a little weird get together at her house where all the women drink chai lattes and sit by the fire. Once again, the discussion goes to Luann and how self-absorbed she is. Um hellooooo. She ALWAYS has been. This is not new. Oh, and we learned that Ramona prefers using a diaphragm and the term “brassiere.” And that she does not like to show nipple.
Finally, Dorinda organizes a big group dinner at Joanne’s Trattoria, which is the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga’s family. Carole actually makes some nice moves toward mending fences with Luann. She asks about Tom and the relationship. Of course, she barely blinks through the whole thing and looks like she’s stabbing her leg with a fork, but I appreciate the attempt.
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Everything is kinda snoozy until Sonja drops the big bomb: She and Tom have been friends with benefits for like 10 years. Well, Luann does not love that. She claims not to care what happened “pre-Lu” but you can tell she does. She and her statement necklace get up and leave in a huff. Ramona barely flinches from her meatballs. To be continued!