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Real Housewives of New York City recap: Always the Bitch, Never the Bride

Bethenny faces a health crisis while the other women attend a dog wedding. Literally.

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The Real Housewives of New York City

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

Lately, the Housewives franchise are like accidentally tuning in for an episode of Chicago Med. Lotta health scares. Obvs, Bravo fans spent the first half of this year learning how to spell Munchausen after the whole Yolanda Foster situation on RHOBH. Now, Jules has a scrape on her vagina and Bethenny is profusely bleeding out of her lady area. Bravo may need its own official doctor — and someone who’s not Terry Dubrow.

We begin with Carole bringing her new little dog Baby to a photo shoot for, yes, a dog wedding. I don’t fully understand the logistics but The Fat Jew’s dog is apparently marrying a dog owned by someone named Amanda Hearst. I’m guessing she’s in the Hearst family, but her actual importance is never really laid out. Baby is a bridesmaid in the wedding, so she’s involved in all this hoopla. The photo shoot is all the dogs on an inflatable swan for no discernable reason, surrounded by bottles of rosé. Carole is told the wedding will be featured in Vanity Fair, which totally bums her out because VF snubbed her nuptials.

Sonja and Ramona finally reunite and actually laugh together. Ramona comes to Sonja’s house and they lie in bed together, which Sonja insists is special since she never makes the bed (#GreyGardens). She also announces she’s stopped drinking but like has all these bruises on her face from injections. Anyways. They basically prep for Sonja’s big apology to Bethenny. She says that her partners still won’t take “girl” out of the “Tipsy Girl” name, but she wants to make sure Bethenny knows she’s sorry. So she and Ramona role-play in the bedroom. I had trouble concentrating on much of this since it took place in front of a large portrait of Sonja, squatting on a park blanket. I would like more details on that painting please. Kthnx. But basically Ramona did her best “Bethenny,” which involved a good deal of side-eye and talking really fast. It was not very good.

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Meanwhile, Jules and Dorinda go shopping and Dorinda drops some Housewives wisdom on Jules: pace your drinking on this upcoming Mexico trip. Dorinda definitely knows something about having a martini-fueled breakdown so she tells Jules to watch her sauce intake.

NEXT: Dorinda is the Real MVP