I’m still giddy from the complete high of last week’s episode. Without a doubt, one of the greatest hours in Housewives history. And full of both quotable lines (“I made it nice!”) and weird details (the spelling of “Bethany” in Luann’s phone). So it’s probably a little bit of a come down that this episode isn’t as dramatic. But it still had plenty of entertainment…and the Countess in a red lace jumpsuit. Try and top that, Game of Thrones!
So we are back in the evil Berkshires. Bethenny is still yelling at Luann, although this time she’s wearing an adult onesie. That’s two onesies in tonight’s episode, which must make this eligible for some sort of dumb Guinness Book of World Records award. It’s a little bit of a rehash of last week’s slut-a-palooza but slightly more calm. Naturally, while Bethenny is yelling at Luann, she’s also making herself a Skinnygirl beverage. That lady can certainly multitask.
While the ladies are going at it in the kitchen, Dorinda starts rifling through her game collection and lands on Twister. That seems like a dangerous game given the amount of wine imbibed and the ages of some of these women, but she and Jules still give it a whirl.
While this is all happening, we cut back to Sonja in the city. She seems a little stir crazy so she invites over her stylist to help craft a care package for her daughter at school. But let’s just say Sonja’s abode isn’t exactly filled to the brim with essentials. She has a half-eaten bag of popcorn and some figs. But she does manage to find some energy bars, make up remover wipes, and a power cord. It’s like her townhouse is a really janky dollar store. Oh, and then there’s some weird moment where she finds a cord attachment and debates with her stylist (and interns) whether it’s some sort of butt plug. Try and top that, Game of Thrones!
Back in Crazytown, Luann starts speaking in the third person. “Does Luann like to flirt? Yes.” Hoooo boy. But she has at least stopped changing tops. She’s decided to stick with the blouse from her collection. So while she’s modeling her fashion line, Bethenny is mixing up a drink from her liquor company. Finally, they sort of have a truce and sit down for some kosher lasagna, which Jules is suuuuper psyched about. Then, there’s this truly surreal moment where a strange woman wanders into the house dressed like Santa and delivers all the women personalized wine glasses. It’s truly bizarre…but turns out to be Dorinda’s sister. Despite the Santa visit, Dorinda does not mince words when it comes to her feelings about the night: “I want to light my house on fire right now. Burn it down.”
NEXT: “The party sucks.”