Tonight should have been labeled “A Very TMI RHONY.” We learned a LOTTTTTT of things about the ladies and, yet, not one person revealed how to pronounce Beutique. (BOOTIQUE. BEWTIQUE. BUUTIQUE).
For starters, Bethenny met Sonja for a lunch downtown, which, for Sonja, was like traveling to another country. Of course, right as they met, Bethenny was like editing a novel or something. SHE’S A VERY BUSY BUSINESSWOMAN, VIEWERS. She doesn’t even have time to find a house! The pair actually attempted to talk about business or, more to the point, Bethenny just reacted in bewilderment that Sonja is launching an “international fashion lifestyle brand.” For starters, that just sounds fake, like when contestants on reality shows call themselves “VIP Cocktail Waitresses.” Bethenny does actually give her good advice, which is to simplify things, and instead of focusing on tons of stuff, do one thing really well. Then somehow the conversation veered into the TMI revelations of sometimes a lady just needs to be “pounded” and that Sonja doesn’t swallow, “Unless you have a black card.” INTERNATIONAL FASHION LIFESTYLE BRAND.
So then there’s a bunch of stuff with Dorinda, but, I gotta be honest, this lady isn’t doing it for me. She’s gotta either introduce some bigger statement jewelry pieces or flip a table or invent a low-calorie vodka product. I appreciate her faux fur shrugs and accent pieces, but I need a little more oomph from Dorinda. She’s getting a little Snore-inda. I’m here all week! Tip ya server. So Dorinda and Luann meet for pedicures and naturally the Countess shows up with what appears to be a string of pirate doubloons around her neck. They talk about Bowtique/Bewtique/Booootique and how John showed up without Dorinda. Again, not that interesting. Just tell me how to pronounce BOETIQUE!
Kristen and Carole meet up at a restaurant for some oysters and booze. Radzi, as everyone now calls her, admits to Kristen that she’s dating Adam, the young dude from Luann’s Hamptons rejuvenation party. Kristen actually seems to think it’s a good match, but no one has told Luann yet—which could cause problems (apparently her niece dated Adam rather seriously). Then, we learn our next TMI revelation: Kristen apparently had quite a hairy nether region (Carole confirmed) but is now completely waxed.
Back at the Morgan townhouse, Sonja has a new employee: Raquelle, her “stylist intern” who also is apparently in charge of her dog Rouge. You can tell Raquelle is into fashion because she’s wearing leather pants. She’s also real into lingering as she does not leave the kitchen while Ramona and Sonja attempt to have a real convo. The ladies decide they wanna head to Atlantic City for Ramona’s bday, but they’re not sure if they wanna invite everyone. Sonja frankly feels like a lot of the gals gang up on her when discussing her “business.” Hahahahaha. The best part of this scene is at the end Ramona recreates her infamous “Turtle Time” gyrating/stirring motion. It’s like seeing Michael Keaton put on the Batsuit again.
Dorinda has another moment with Hannah blah blah her daughter hates her boyfriend blah blah. But I did have the realization that Hannah looks a lot like Sansa from Game of Thrones!
Sooo Sonja invites Bethenny to come take a peak at her clothing line, which I’m assuming is a large part of the “International Fashion Lifestyle Brand.” So they meet in a conference room with very low ceilings and go over sketches for her line. Bethenny shows up with like her CFO or her CEO or her COO or something and of course is drinking a Skinnygirl beverage. I’m assuming in her purse there is a Skinnygirl food processor. Basically, Bethenny just throws shade on the entire presentation because she’s understandably skeptical. I mean Sonja was supposed to launch a toaster oven and that definitely never happened. Also, Sonja claims that she wrote a sexy novel, worked for Marc Jacobs, and won some sort of fashion award. It all was very reminiscent of Kristen Wiig’s Penelope sketch on SNL. But the best was that one of Sonja’s colleagues turned to Bethenny and asked, “Have you ever been in the apparel business before?” Well, instead of turning her Skinnygirl drink into a Molotov cocktail and lighting that beast on fire, Bethenny explained that yes she has a shapewear line (OH AND ALSO A $200 MILLION COMPANY). But then the Sonja worker lady explains, “We have connections that are not normal.” You don’t say?! Haha.
So Dorinda decided to throw a cocktail party for the ladies for some reason that was not entirely apparent to me. Bewwtique was booked so instead she chose the BRIGHTEST bar in Manhattan—some place called The World Bar. Sonja brings her 24-year-old Dominik, who continues to prove he’s German by drinking draft beer. Carole and Luann finally have a talk about Adam, and Luann says “f—ing” which almost made me lose my mind. I came to the conclusion that statement necklaces keep the Countess in good etiquette. She was NOT wearing them at World Bar hence the cursing. It’s just science folks. Also, we learned Adam has a farm in Nicaragua or something. I hope everyone agrees that sounds incredibly sketchy.
In the final TMI moment of the night, Kristen encourages Ramona to have a fling like Sonja with a younger man. Ramona doesn’t need a one-night stand. “I’m deeper than that!” SHADE. Plus, “I can use my hand!” As if the image of Ramona masturbating isn’t enough of a capper to the evening, then she and Sonja get in a fight about not saying hello to each other upon arriving at the party. But let’s face it: Once Ramona talks self-pleasure, it’s time to wrap things up.