Is Bethenny mad at Ramona for taking a Hervé Léger dress from her talk show? No. Is she mad that when the show asked for that dress back she said it had fallen out of the back of her car? No. Is she made that Ramona then posted an Instagram pic of her wearing that very dress a few months later. Definitely not. But is she mad at her “for going off the rails psycho crazy when [she] invited Sonja to [her] brunch?” Lil’ bit. In fact, Bethenny is a little mad about everything, but also totally fine with everything. Much like how she’s totally homeless but has a $4.2 million apartment, a presidential hotel suite, and is currently getting an office space—say your prayers for Bethenny, y’all.
Everything on this show is a total contradiction, really, and that is just fine with me. Because if it weren’t for contradictions like only two out of these eight housewives actually being wives (and as Bethenny would tell you, she also doesn’t even have a house) then we wouldn’t get glorious single gals’ night out on the town segments where Sonja is getting sloshed with 24-year-old male models, Countess Luann is excusing herself to the ladies’ room with a male escort, and Bethenny is telling everyone how slutty they look while wearing a corset top from Rue 21. I’ll drink to that… and it will just be a nice glass of Sauv Blanc, you won’t even have to put any agave nectar in it or explain what color the liquor is.
But following last week’s brunch blowup, there was still a ways to go before everyone could happily get drunk and run through the Upper East Side’s single men together. You see, last week Ramona planned a brunch that she didn’t tell anyone about, and then Bethenny didn’t plan a brunch that she told everyone about, so Ramona got mad at Bethenny for stealing all of her houseguests, and Bethenny informed Ramona that she felt exactly no inclination to ever be around her. Which really puts a grinding halt on their co-worker status, so she’s going to have to work that out.
The way all of the other ladies work out the dual brunch invite is by splitting their time between the two brunches. I feel very dumb saying “brunch” this many times; Bethenny feels dumb brunching as a verb; I feel silly about brunch in general; everyone feels dumb about “brunching,” but I would also lose most of my morals and a lot of my money for bagel and lox around 1 p.m. on a Sunday, so sue me. But don’t you dare sue Bethenny, because she has that Skinnygirl brand on lock. Carol says she’s been to Oscars gifting suites with less product placement than Bethenny’s South Hampton house.
More candidly, I might say there was literally Skinnygirl shit everywhere in Bethenny’s house. A girl might start getting offended at the implications. Luann won’t be getting a Lamborghini for her contribution to Skinnygirl’s inception, but she’s sure as hell leaving Bethenny’s brunch with an individually sized Skinnygirl blender in her Birkin. (On that note, I really appreciated Carole’s appraisal of which free Skinnygirl merch was probably the most expensive to determine what she would be taking home.) Everyone is wearing perfectly chunky sweaters because the Hamptons are quite simply as idyllic and brunch-tastic as they’re made out to be.
NEXT: The only thing NYC housewives like more than brunch is a night out with younger men…