We open tonight’s episode with Margaret and Joe — Margie and JoJo if you’re nasty — and they are wallpaper shopping. It’s hard to tell what Joe cares less about, wallpaper or Margaret’s dinner with Dolores, which she is forcing him to listen to. Actually, I take it back: He does care, because Margaret is no longer really talking about the dinner with Dolores but rather the topic that bonded the two women: their kids. Margaret’s in tears about being estranged from hers since she cheated on their dad, and it’s the second consecutive week we’ve seen this sort of uncharacteristic outpouring from her. She thinks winning over Dolores is the key to finally quashing things with Siggy, but I think it’s her discovery of her tear ducts that’s really going to endear her to the Sigster.
Dolores and Teresa are meeting at that place Rails that they all always go to (the one that looks like what New Jersey thinks an English study looks like), and I predict yelling. Dolores is angry about Teresa not taking up for her when Danielle spread rumors; Teresa is mad about…actually I can’t remember, but don’t worry: She’ll find something to latch on to and never let it go. (If I were Teresa, I’d be angry that nobody stopped me from wearing a lilac Sgt. Pepper’s blazer on TV, but that’s me.)
Teresa, table flipper extraordinaire, flips the power dynamic but quick: Turns out she’s mad that Dolores didn’t stand up for her in Florida in the face of Siggy’s ranting, and oh yeah, about that rumor Danielle’s peddling around town, re: Dolores saying all Teresa cares about is money. Then Dolores says Danielle may be on drugs. Sure, why not.
Teresa doesn’t believe that Danielle does drugs or is even on medication because “she does yoga.” Oh, Teresa. Dear, sweet Teresa, you are adorable. I have no idea whether Danielle Staub is on drugs or does drugs or takes medically prescribed drugs, but I do know that Teresa should teach classes at the Professional School of Conversational Gymnastics. Though, Dolores isn’t letting her off so easy: She calls out her friend for joining with Danielle and Margaret in making fun of her for letting her ex move back in the house. (Gotta take up for Pigtails here: Margaret actually defended Dolores.) And Teresa’s response — “Why in the hell would you want him to move back in your house?” — actually has the trappings of a good friend’s concern. As in, “That guy cheated on you, and you have a new boyfriend — kick Frank to the curb.” And had she said any of that to Dolores, I would actually respect it. But that’s not what she did. Instead, she lashed out about it publicly to get in Danielle’s good graces when she felt attacked, and that, dear readers, is not a nice thing to do.
But don’t cry for Dolores, because it looks like she got her masters at the Professional School of Conversational Gymnastics, and the student is about to become the teacher: “Twenty years ago I didn’t want to put up with stuff that you put up with in your relationship,” she tells Teresa, seeing her faux concern and raising her tacit allegations of cheating and nastiness. “You decided to stay with him; I gave you credit, you stuck it out.” Damn. Dolores goes to the head of the class.
The most confusing thing about the lunch is that the women come out of it friends (“friends”), with all their issues (apparently) smoothed over, and Teresa even admits that Joe has some work to do when he gets back. I don’t entirely understand why everything’s suddenly okay, but hey: We’ve got a train wreck of an empowerment retreat to get to, so who cares. (Recap continues on page 2)