If you thought this season of RHOBH was slow, just wait until you get to this middle installment of the three-part reunion. Bravo could practically teach a Ph.D. course in the beating of metaphorical dead horses at this point with star professor Dr. Lisa Rinna at the helm, earning her tenure over and over again. “Here’s what ya do, kids,” she’d say with a smoker’s rasp you’d never noticed before. “You pick three points, and you stick to ’em, no matter how many times Andy Cohen looks at you like you just got your ass waxed on national television. If ya know what’s good for ya, you’ve already pulled that move a few times, anyway. Next step — employ the F-word at every turn! This will show that you’re passionate…and everyone knows if you’re screaming, you must be telling the truth. And finally, channel your audience’s thoughts and then say them yourself, so they start to think that they’re the crazy ones…”
“You just talk around and around until everybody goes f—ing crazy! Just own it, Lisa! F—ing own it! Own it, and be done with it!” —I kid you not, Lisa Rinna, not speaking into a mirror.
This installment of RHOBH’s season 6 reunion spends about the first third focusing on Rinna saying once more that LVP encouraged her to say the word Munchausen, but it’s just a case of she said, she said louder, and the most exciting thing that happens is catching another glimpse of Daisy the Health Advocate when Yolanda runs offstage. So rather than covering that in detail, I’d like to offer you up a drinking game to play next week if it turns out to be anything like this week’s installment. Normal take-a-sip rules apply, but for obvious sensitivity reasons, I’d also like to suggest the option do a jumping jack if you’re not a drinker and/or don’t want Lisa Rinna to get all up in your business. I, myself, will be using only Housewives-branded alcoholic beverages.
Drink or do a jumping jack every time:
- Kyle bugs her eyes out in shock to something very un-shocking
- Kyle adjusts her hair or dress (maybe do this one every other time… I don’t want you to die)
- You look at Kyle and try but fail to remember the full name of her boutique
- Lisa Rinna screams something that you feel the need to scream right back at her through your flatscreen (I’ll give you an example: “I really want to move on; what is the big deal?!)
- LVP looks très innocent while being called manipulative
- Yolanda defends someone
- Someone gets asked if they’re okay in a whispered aside
- Andy asks Kathryn about her hearing device, and you’re reminded that was one of this season’s story lines
- You look at Erika and wonder if she had her pores surgically removed (how much that cost Mr. Girardi?)
- You fall into the deep dark hole of one of Eileen’s lowlights that only alcohol can you get out of
Alright, now that you’re trashed and/or energized, let’s hit the rest of what happened.
NEXT: Rinna’s being “a little Marco Rubio”
PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE, KIM RICHARDS’ RECOVERY
Kim Richards joins her former co-workers onstage so that we can all feel sad and kind of bad at ourselves for wanting to know every detail of her struggles with sobriety, even though that’s something she says she’s keeping to herself this time — in the past she thought it would be helpful to her and others to be open about it, but it turned out not to be. So good on her for making that change. She’s also not at liberty to discuss what happened in the infamous Target incident, so basically, she’s just there to make Rinna squirm and discuss her relationship with her sister. It’s still heartbreaking to watch the clip where Kim says, “I love with all my heart… I guess I’m just hard to love,” but Kyle assures her that she may not have liked her sister sometimes, but it’s never been hard to love her.
Things are getting entirely too sweet and emotional, so Andy brings Rinna into the mix, who’s now singing a “Can’t we just get past this” tune. About her bouquet of tacky comments regarding Kim’s struggles with sobriety, she keeps saying, “That was then; this is now,” to which Andy Cohen tells her she’s being “a little Marco Rubio” with her talking points. Oh, it is glorious.
THEY LIKE, THEY LIKE TO PARTY
This little flashback to all of the season’s parties could have just been summarized as, “Heh…we have fun,” or alternatively, “What’s a barbecue?” Bravo has fun…
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AND HOW DID THE AFFAIR START?
Ah, yes, the question that launched a thousand manipulation accusations. While the conversation around Eileen’s hurt feelings at the hands of LVP and LVP’s hilariously sad attempts at apologizing reached a Rinna-like level of annoying, I was glad that the real root of the problem with Lisa was exposed in between Eileen and Rinna coming up to yell, “Manipulation,” like a Whac-A-Mole game from Housewives hell. The real deal is that Lisa asks all these questions and wants everybody to spill their dirt, without ever revealing anything about herself. The solution to that, of course, is simple: Don’t tell s— to Lisa. But simplicity has no place in the Real Housewives franchise, so manipulation station it is.
It’s Andy Cohen who actually points this detail about Lisa out, so since she inquired about Eileen’s abusive relationship, as well as her affair, Andy asks LVP to open up about the abusive relationship she mentioned in a blog. She says that the dated the person for quite a long time when she was 19 and immediately gets very emotional while trying to recount something and holding up her finger saying only, “Once…” before we get hit with the, “Next time, on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.“