Guys, Kyle by Alene Too is the new Goop. Or something like that. I mean, it’s at least big enough of a brand to merit a Hamptons pop-up shop. That’s something…right? Well, in any case, we began our episode this week at Kyle’s new store that involves someone named Alene Too, who we never see. She’s like the new Pickles.
Since Bethenny cannot appear in an episode of the Real Housewives franchise without hocking some kind of goods, she shows up to do a book signing. But then she alerts Kyle that she has invited no one. Cool. Thanks for your help, bro. She seems to give zero f—s about getting along or making a good impression on these Beverly Hills gals (see: her treatment of Erika “Bambi” Girardi). Kyle informs her that it’s going to be a select group of VIPs due to space restrictions. I’m not sure what Kyle’s definition of VIP is, but I def saw at least one lady in a baseball cap.
Everyone slowly begins talking about Kim Richards and her issues, which Kyle catches wind of and gets upset about. She seems perturbed that people would talk about a woman who was on this very reality show and is related to one of the stars.
Once the non-VIP party is over, the ladies head back to the home that Kyle rented for dinner. Appallingly, Kyle does not set a place setting for Giggy, which is a big no-no. Then she pulls over a wooden chair that Ken informs her Giggy will likely not sit in. Just an utter disaster. Also, Alene Too was clearly not invited to this meal. Maybe she’s back at the pop-up shop doing inventory on margarita glasses and blousy satin tops.
The dinner happens, and Eileen takes us on a real roller coaster of emotions. She and Lisa V. once again get into it after Lisa grilled Eileen about meeting Vince while they were both still married. Eileen also does a pretty poor British accent which leads me to believe she’s never played a non-American on a soap. Then they segue into Kim again and talk about the whole Brandi debacle. I was sorta hoping Brandi was summoned à la Beetlejuice, just by the ladies saying her name so many times. But that did not happen sadly. Eileen then tells Erika that with her hair pulled back she looks “like one of the beautiful fairies from Lord of the Rings.” You know what no one wants to hear, Eileen? That they look like a character from a Tolkien novel. Then, Eileen announces to the group that she’s wanted to say something ever since Lisa R. and Kim got in that fight in Amsterdam: She’s been in extremely abusive relationships. Everyone sits there stunned — Giggy’s reaction is unclear, though. It sorta comes out of nowhere, but Kyle quickly brings the convo back to her: She thanks the women for coming to her store and insists the trip has been a “10.” Um, sure. I mean it was no “Scary Island,” but it hasn’t exactly been a trip to the spa. I think the Hamptons weekend was best summed up by Erika’s parting remarks: “Y’all are one tough pack of bitches.”
So Erika boards her private jet and heads off to Ohio to pick up Yolanda, who’s still recuperating from her surgery. While she gets to fly on her own jet, Erika’s trip is plagued with serious issues: The tea bags are unsatisfactory, and there’s something wrong with the bacon. She manages to get to Ohio, though, and pick up Yolanda who’s dressed in angelic all white. This lady has endless amounts of sportswear. And love for lemons.
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Back at Kyle’s abode, she greets “the morally corrupt” Faye Resnick, who apparently is also a decorator in her spare time! Kyle is turning her gym into a closet, and Faye has apparently decorated Kyle’s house and all of Paris Hilton’s homes. That’s quite a resume. I’m guessing a lot of items from Kitson grace all those abodes. Faye does encourage Kyle not to close the door on Kim. Kyle trusts Faye because she has nothing to gain from this advice…except of course the fee for redecorating her gym.
It’s not an episode of RHOBH or Vanderpump Rules without paying a trip to a Lisa V. property, so next we head to Pump for a lunch in honor of something called the “Hero Dog Awards.” It’s real crème de la crème that attracts people like Lance Bass and…Lance Bass’ husband. But it actually does draw our newest Housewife, Kathryn Edwards. Lisa R. has a completely staged meeting with her where she reveals that they met through a lady named “Lindy.” Oh Bev Hills. Kathryn used to be a model married to Marcus Allen, OJ Simpson’s former best friend. There apparently was a rumor, written about by Faye Resnick(!), that Allen and Nicole Brown Simpson had an affair. Yowza. FINALLY SOME DRAMA. Eileen then all of a sudden offers up the fact that she once dated Marcus Allen. This lady is just dropping bombs left and right!
After the luncheon, the women all go for drinks, and for some reason, Kathryn comes. Well, the reason is that she’s been cast on the reality show but it just feels completely forced and awkward. Kyle asks Kathryn if she knows Faye and Kathryn says no…but her expression (and her confessional) scream, “Yes, but I hate that lady.” Finally, there’s some action!