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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Pretty Mess

Bethenny offers Erika Jayne some unsolicited branding advice — Erika Jayne doesn’t care

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Current Status:
In Season

On Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, new Housewife Erika Jayne said something that I hope might have changed your life as it did mine: “I think that Erika Jayne — or your own version of Erika Jayne — resides in all of us.” So, I want you to just take a few moments, watch Erika Jayne’s version of Erika Jayne performing in her “Painkillr” music video, and then close your eyes and imagine yourself in those thong-overalls (a thing!), sans bra, rolling around on a bare mattress while singing about painkillrz. Feeling empowered yet?

Listen, aversion to vowels aside, I like Erika Jayne/Erika Girardi/Bambi-Barbie. She seems to know who she is (even if who she is happens to be a few different people), and she doesn’t mind that much if other people don’t get it. And considering that Eileen is the only one who seems to get it, that’s probably a good thing. Because, warts seemingly limitless opinions and all, I like Bethenny too…

That’s right, on Tuesday night’s episode, New York City met Beverly Hills. Makes sense: the Housewives are in the Hamptons, after all. Which means we still have to wrap up this never-ending white party, and Lisa Vanderpump has to hope her garden hat will transition from day to night (it does not!). Upon dusk, the Bella magazine overlords deemed it time for dinner, but for Lisa that meant it was time for one of her patented Friend Interrogations. During am oddly judgy conversation about divorce (don’t they know they share a network with the girlfriends’ guide to it), the conversation turns to the fact that Eileen is on her third marriage. She tells Lisa that she met Vinny on set while she was still married to her second husband, so they were just friends at first. Naturally, Lisa starts quizzing her with questions about “the affair” and talking really close to Eileen’s face. Rinna and Kyle think she’s being insensitive; Lisa, soaring on rosé and power, probably doesn’t care.  

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Speaking of insensitive! A quick check-in with Yolanda shows that she’s recovering from her breast explant both physically and mentally — she already thinks that this just might be the key to kickstart her healing. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it also be great if while on speakerphone with Lisa, her husband David Foster didn’t joke, “Let’s just say this: Ken has better tits than her now.” I mean, I’ll take just about any joke at Ken’s expense, but maybe not when your wife is wrapped up in gauze, probably feeling just a touch vulnerable and like someone “shot a can-ON” at her chest.

Thank goodness for the reprise in “To Be or Not to Be Lyme,” though; for this episode at least, it seems that everyone is too busy trying to figure out what an Erika Jayne is in the Hamptons. While wine tasting at Duckwalk Vineyards, Lisa Rinna — the only Housewife who’s yet to meet Erika — reveals that she did a little pre-introduction Googling and came across Erika’s “Painkillr” video. Now, I want you to just take a few moments and prepare yourself for this next bit…

Lisa Rinna, the woman who recently got her — I don’t know how else to say this — blurred-out butthole waxed on national television, thinks Erika’s video is “raunchy.” “It makes me uncomfortable,” she says. Alternately, Eileen thinks it’s “outrageously amazing.” Rinna comes around, though, once Erika arrives in the Hamptons by way of the Chicago Pride Parade and her private plane and explains that her Erika Jayne performances are like acting, part of her alter-ego. I don’t know if anyone can really understand the deal with Erika Jayne and her stocking suits and perfect skin, but I know they’re sure as hell going to try for the rest of the episode…

NEXT: It’s time to go to Bethenny Frankel’s house