Don’t worry if you haven’t watched the past 16 episodes of RHOBH: We’re still talking about Lyme disease…but this time we’re doing it in muumuus.
So we picked up pretty much where we left off last week. Yolanda is in New York to accept an award at the Global Lyme Alliance Gala. She gets all fancied up, for what she says is the first time she’s been out of a robe in 14 months. I would argue she’s been in some real jazzy workout clothes, but okay. The event itself is really classay. Like puts Camille’s home benefit to shame. Sorry, girl. Yolanda says that everyone who attends represents someone who’s been pivotal in her recovery, so naturally Joe Jonas is there. JK he was Gigi’s boyfriend at the time. I’m sure he’s thrilled he signed that waiver to be filmed now that they’re no longer together. We also see Ally Hilfiger, who has Lyme but was also on one of my favorite reality shows ever, MTV’s Rich Girls! I just wish we knew where Jaime Gleicher was!
The gala is very elegant and Gigi presents the award to her mom. Kyle has a revelation that basically amounts to “Oh wow! These people actually have Lyme disease.” She basically spends the rest of the dinner hiding tears behind her napkin.
Next thing you know, we’re headed to Dubai! But, of course, first we need to see various scenes of the women packing. Packing sequences on Housewives are almost as important as the trips themselves. The best one features Erika, who basically has a summit with all her gays to discuss her ensembles for the trip. Amidst racks of bedazzled clothes and platform shoes, the gang strategizes as if this is a major press tour. “I don’t want to look like a hag,” she says. Also, she has a look book made for the entire trip. And the best part — she doesn’t tell the other women she’s bringing her gay glam squad. GOD BLESS THIS WOMAN.
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Amidst all this important vacay talk, Yolanda and David do a different kind of packing. They have finally sold their Malibu mansion for nearly $20 million. Yolanda, though, is most upset about saying goodbye to their refrigerator. The cooling device the size of a New York bathroom will not be traveling with them. To mark the occasion, the pair kiss inside the gargantuan fridge. Eventually Brandi shows up with what I think is just a giant bottle of Pellegrino. No wine for her! They do a little gossiping. Brandi went on a date with someone with really short arms. Then, Yolanda of course brings up all the issues with Lisa Rinna. Brandi immediately goes after Rinna’s hair. I do think Brandi is mean — and she looks particularly bonkers in confessional interviews — but her energy is sorely missed. Also, she’s now taken to calling Yolanda “Yo.” BRING HER BACK.
The women finally land in Dubai after like a day of travel, which involved them, being whisked between planes by a car service! All the while, Vanderpump keeps congratulating Kyle on planning such a trip. Um, I’m pretty sure Bravo production deserves the thanks. But whoever did the booking really did outdo themselves on the hotel, which is massive and over-the-top, and completely in line with the Housewives. Rinna and Eileen both get their own suites while Erika and Kathryn take a room (weird), and obvs Kyle and Vanderpump get the most expensive suite ($40,000 a night).
The first thing everyone does is change into muumuus. Vanderpump admits that she’s been converted into a muumuu lover, which makes me very happy and also nostalgic for the RHONY cast’s trip to Morocco. Eventually, it’s time for dinner, so the rest of the gals show up in their big flowing dresses only to find Kyle and Vanderpump sitting on an oversized chess board. I’m surprised Vanderpump didn’t try and buy it. She loves strangely sized purchases. Kathryn comes in a cocktail dress that immediately makes her stick out. Luckily Kyle has a muumuu for her, which I can only guess came from Kyle by Alene Too. I guess Alene missed the invite for this girl’s trip.
They all sit down for dinner and it takes about 0.3 seconds before Rinna’s issues with Yolanda come up. Rinna now admits that she def believes Yolanda is sick but thinks she uses it to sorta manipulate things. At this point, who really cares? Like can’t someone flip a table? Or have a naked man sleep in one of the adjoining beds? I need fun Housewives drama! And Erika agrees. “Why can’t we have fun?” she asks all the ladies. Truer words have never been spoken.