Honestly, what was happening in this episode? Since when can a girl not just have a private conversation while holding hands with her gal pal during a routine colonoscopy without it being deemed as “taking sides”? I don’t want to stick up for Porsha — I’m really not sticking up for Porsha — but the Kandi Koated Klique has it candy-coated twisted if they think they deserve even two more seconds of screen time. If I have to look at one more of shot of those pink pleather club chairs, I might just consider switching to The Real Housewives of Potomac. But first…I will have to find out where Potomac is.
Half of this week’s story line revolves around non-peach people we barely know — coincidentally, Kenya has tried to have every single one of them kicked off a boat — so you already know it was a reach to make anything pop in this hour. But as uninterested as I am in hearing DonJuan (still his real name) say, well, anything, count me in as 100 percent on board with seeing Phaedra get her ass handed to her by itty-bitty businessman Todd Tucker.
The not-so-subtle undertones the editors have been laying on this season with all the scenes of Todd typing on his phone while he’s supposed to be supporting Kandi have definitely been working on me, as I haven’t been feeling much fondness toward the man lately. But him coming into a business meeting with Phaedra prepared with actual business documents to force her to do the actual business of PAYIN’ HIM HIS MONEY has gone a long way toward winning me back to the Todd that used to just talk about how awful Mama Joyce is (that always gets someone into my good graces).
“Todd’s been yapping away about me owing him money, but he’s conveniently left out that he owes me an exercise DVD” has to be the most RHOA statement to ever R-H-O-A. Indeed, Phaedra has not received the DVD that Todd was helping her produce, but it seems that it’s because she stopped responding to him or paying him. I assume Phaedra realized that there was no need for a Donkey Booty Part 2: Return of the Donkey and hoped she could just give this project up without paying Todd the final third of his money. But Todd clearly has no patience for Phaedra’s run-around and has full access to a photocopier, so with just a little extra help from factual evidence that Phaedra has neither paid him or given him what he needs to finish the project, they move forward with promises to finish this thing, get Todd paid, and sell 10 copies on Amazon (all purchased by me because, no matter what, I care about Ayden’s well-being and future golf career).
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Another purveyor of exercise DVDs, Kenya, takes the week off from shade in favor of doing a little emotional development by hanging out with her dad while he’s in town. They drink flavored water; he screams “I LOVE TREES” while staring at a tree; he touches a few trees; he touches a few more trees; and he makes one tree metaphor that I didn’t fully follow as he and Kenya have an emotional talk about their complicated past. When Kenya was 12, after her father had moved the whole family to Houston, she ran away back to Detroit, and he didn’t speak to her again for five years. Kenya has been open about the pain that caused her, but her father also opens up about how hard it was for him to feel like the life he tried to build for his children wasn’t good enough. It seems like a true moment of emotional honesty, so it’s appropriately followed up by…
Porsha repeatedly telling Lauren how much the miracle of life growing inside her sister’s uterus is going to get in the way of her assisting Porsha with opening e-mails and choosing the right emojis for text responses. “In this situation, I think I have a right to be a drama queen because this is our livelihood,” is a sentence that Porsha says, again, in reference to having to find a new assistant for a few months, and not about the actual life that her sister is bringing into the world. Of course, she has this life-altering conversation while having a full sheet of eyelashes glued on in preparation for hosting Dish Nation’s red carpet show at the Emmys, which is…actually a pretty cool opportunity for her, all things considered. I mean, I’m not going to act like I wouldn’t mind getting a whiff of Michael K. Williams.
NEXT: Don’t you Juan-a talk about this?