Here’s a surefire way to tell if someone isn’t over something. They’ll tell you how “over it” they are. Also, a good test for knowing if something is bothering someone: They’ll tell you that they can’t be bothered by it. Now, I get that Nene can’t be bothered with Claudia trying to have a dramatic conversation with her while they’re at a philanthropy function for young men. But in the big picture, she has to be bothered with it. Because the moment Nene finds enough fame and money beyond this Andy Cohen pyramid scheme called The Real Housewives, you better believe she would stop being bothered, but for now, she can’t keep walking away from all of her storylines problems.
And yet, tonight, you better believe exiting the kitchen while Claudia tried to force her to talk about leaving the Dr. Jeff session—or who the hell knows what, at this point—while they were supposed to be focusing on serving underserved kids, was the right decision. It’s amazing how quickly you can bounce around to thinking who is wrong and who’s right on this show. That’s generally because everyone is wrong all the time, but occasionally someone is so wrong it makes someone else seem right. You can pretty much count on Nene being terrible all the time, but Claudia trying to start drama while Judge Mathis was out there just trying to tell a few kids that they’re our future and eat some chicken was just enough more offensive to edge Nene off her throne of ridiculousness.
I have to keep faith that if everyone on the show is always losing, then in some way we, the audience, must be winning. But it doesn’t feel like I’m unable to finish my dinner because I had to hear Peter say, “Give me some pum pum.’ When it starts to feel like there’s no one left to root for, I’m really only left with questions. So, here are the questions that presented themselves tonight while I took in the aftermath of what RHOA has become since everyone but Nene made peace, made up, and made butthole jokes in the Philippines.
Could Kandi really possibly think that now is a good time to have a child, one year into her marriage, and 10 months into its rocky period?
I like Todd. I mostly like Kandi. I would like for Todd and Kandi to work out. But Todd and Kandi don’t seem to particularly like each other anymore. After casually discussing how dead their sex life is with any friend-ployee who will listen to her, Kandi heads to date night with Todd, as prescribed in their last therapy session. Todd has been in L.A. for the past two weeks and meets her straight from the airport at the restaurant where he tells her that since his show has been picked up for a second season, he’s going to have to spend even more time there. Kandi doesn’t think they should be apart for more than two weeks, and Todd tells her that she should come to L.A. with him. Kandi reminds Todd that she has a human life she’s in charge of in Atlanta in the form of Riley.
And then, naturally, they talk about having a baby, because if anything can be garnered from this conversation, it’s that these are two people who are on the same page about their lives and futures and should permanently bind them together with new human life. (To be fair to Todd, he’s not so sure about this).
How many people could I get to sign a petition to never actually have to see Kenya’s show, but just have a 10-hour “making of” documentary released in its stead?
I enjoy every second of watching Life Twirls On become a reality. Even if it involves pausing the TV and taking deep gulps of air before I can go on listening to Cynthia’s Jamaican accent, every part of this circus is a delight. Tonight, Cynthia gets Peter to help her master her Jamaican accent and I have a brief moment where my life flashes before my eyes because I enjoyed listening to Peter talk. But he pretty much immediately started talking about Cynthia’s vagina, so it was short lived. Cynthia actually sounds okay when she’s affecting Peter’s more natural accent, but as soon as she shows up to set with Kenya, it turns back into a disaster. I’m using “set” loosely here, of course—they’re kind of just in a room/shop without any obvious purpose and Cynthia doesn’t seem to be aware that they’d be filming that day. But she gets a big round of applause, and I just can’t wait to see all the humor she infuses into the pilot. Because if there’s anything Cynthia is known for, it’s her quick wit and originality.
NEXT: A servant’s heart, a drama queen’s mouth…[pagebreak]
Even better than Cynthia’s acting was the quick glimpse we got of Kenya on the main set of Life Twirls On’s wedding scene. I will give you this sneak peek:
Kenya as Kenya looking through a kitchen in a wedding dress:
“Where’s the knife?”
Kenya as an actor immediately running outside once she finds the knife, chasing the groom:
Kenya as an actor speaking in general direction of another human:
“How could you. The wedding is off!”
Get those writing Emmys ready.
Is anyone prouder of Phaedra than Phaedra?
After hearing her guide’s story in the Philippines about losing her husband, Phaedra realized her sons are not the only children without fathers and has been inspired to create an event that reaches out to underserved young black men for them to hear from successful black men. This is a good thing. I hope that it was a fruitful and beneficial event, and I hope all those nice-looking young men enjoyed it. But Phaedra simply could not be prouder of her herself for doing a good thing. After Phaedra is introduced at the “Save Our Sons” rally, she has a marching band play her in, and starts her speech thusly: “I am only a vessel, and I thank God he gave me a vision to do this.” At first I thought Phaedra was just going to talk the whole time, but she did at least have a panel there who seemed to host a productive conversation.
Can we just not? What if we didn’t?
And it’s a good thing because there was a much more productive conversation going on in the kitchen. Phaedra asked all the women to come to the event to help her serve lunch and everyone showed up to help (except Kandi), even Nene, who flew all the way in from New York, where she’s finding the fancy quesadilla-eating lifestyle to be quite to her liking. She says she has no interest in talking to any of the other women, she just wants to support Phaedra, and I don’t really blame her… I wouldn’t want to talk to anyone who last saw me mid-hissy-fit either.
And she probably thought she could get away with keeping a polite grimace on her face for the duration of the event as they were, you know, there to serve lunch to literal children. But Claudia just can’t leave it alone when it comes to Nene, no matter the place. She wants answers about why Nene left the Dr. Jeff session and decides to bring it up while they’re putting together the lunches. And Nene gives her a pretty straightforward answer: “You’re not important. You’re not a friend of mine. I don’t care if I walk out on you.” And she proves it by walking out on her again. Claudia starts yelling after her that she needs to have this conversation—all while Judge Mathis is trying to weave his narrative on just the other side of the wall—and follows after her, but Kenya—Kenya!—holds Claudia back from chasing after Nene demanding answers that she’s never going to get.
For how much everyone talks about “moving on” on this show, it’s probably about time some of them started following through.
Is anyone right here? Is Claudia just grasping for story line straws? Will Nene ever get folded back into the main narrative of this show? Was Porsha really being the most appropriate at Phaedra’s event? Is that what things have come to? The best part about all of these story lines is that, with everyone on the show being wrong in some way or another, that means all of your opinions are right! So, fire away…