We’ve all been there, haven’t we? The pain of losing a friendship. It starts with not calling enough, and then when she does call, she only wants to talk about her modeling school and how she’s got the slowest walking models in town, and doesn’t her ass look fabulous in this jumpsuit? Then comes the standoffish behavior and waiting for confrontations until she’s seated on a velvet couch with 2 million people, your boss, and six of your closest coworkers watching on. Then come the blogs… THE BLOGS. Your friend is talking about you on blogs. And of course the final straw is when her husband starts tweeting passive aggressive statements about you. Tweeting!
Yes, this is certainly a universal situation—we’ve all been there.
I have to admit that without all of the Apollo stuff, the stakes are a little lower this week, but the “reality” aspect of RHOA is greatly improved tonight, which is to say, there’s some real human emotion in there if you squint, lean your head to the right, and ignore that little scene where Kenya pretends to have an orgasm from sautéing peaches. In addition to Cynthia and Nene reenacting a scene from Beaches, there’s also the looming darkness of knowing that Sharon, Todd’s mom and a large part of this week’s episode, passed away from a stroke two weeks ago. She wasn’t exactly the picture of calm tonight, but it would be nice if the final chapter of her legacy didn’t include quite so many utterances of the word “prostitute.”
Gone are the episodes of a few weeks ago where everyone was pouring over shuffling through last season’s recaps for a storyline and screaming at each other in restaurants while waiters wondered, “What kind of tip will I get on seven glasses of ice water, and is it really possible for one woman to say ‘whore’ that many times?” And here are the days of looming questions on mortality, female friendship, and how to respect our elders when your elders won’t stop accusing other elders of selling sex for money. That should be an improvement… I think?
We left off last week with Nene testingf how long she can speak at a soft roar without stopping for breath. Spoiler: The answer is “six minutes, or as long as it takes to hammer Cynthia into submission.” This week, we pick right back up where Nene left off (screaming), but Cynthia now gets the chance to speak. She quickly meets her four word maximum though thereby causing Nene to immediately stand up and walk away. But she actually retreats because she’s getting emotional and needs a break. It seems that there is something rolling around inside that Tin (Wo)Man exterior of hers, and it’s not just Gregg’s chili. I assume Gregg makes a mean chili.
Nene returns to the table, and the rest of the board members step away to give these two time to talk, and leave a restaurant without ever having touched food. Nene says the big problem in their now broken friendship came for her when Cynthia decided to confront her about her issues with the friendship for the first time in front of everyone at last season’s reunion. And Cynthia says her negativity toward the friendship started around the time that Nene called her husband a bitch. Both have solid reasons for being angry with each other, and if they weren’t dependent on each other for a pay check, they might just call this one a draw. But someone has to pay for Peter’s “Arctic White” beard dye, so they either have to make up or decide to be enemies, and call me a sap, but I think they’re choosing the former because these two need each other.
Nene is a leader and Cynthia is a follower, plain and simple. And both are at the furthest end of the spectrum. Cynthia doesn’t just follow easily, she actually seems to prefer that someone tell her how to feel and act; she can change her opening tagline all she wants, but “choosing Cynthia,” is simply not in her cards. Other people choose Cynthia; for example, Nene once chose her as her trusty sidekick and all was well and good, until Robin decided she could try to be Batman. Nene is Batman. There can’t be two Batmans, no matter how good Christopher Nolan is, and Cynthia is starting to crack under the pressure.
NEXT: No one wants to hear about your sex life, Peter. Not ever.