This week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta LLC, we try to remember who is feuding with who, at what point those people began feuding, in addition to adding a few more feuds to the mix, so that when the old feuds grow tired—as if that would ever happen—we’ll have some new feuds to entertain us. Feuds! The gateway drug to group dinners where grown women sit in a circle with their makeup professionally done and yell at each other with watered down cocktails.
Really, the fourth episode of the season is RHOA at its stalest: just a series of meetings. There’s nothing like watching a show that you already feel guilty about watching and being punched in the face with every scene change that you’re just witnessing coworkers interact with coworkers. These people are being paid to be here, and if they have to say that they want to help two people make up, or discuss personal matters in front of 12 other people in a kickboxing class to continue getting that Bravo paper, then they will do that. It’s not personal, it’s just business, honey.
The closest we came to any actual emotion was in an actual business meeting where someone was actually questioning why a cast member on this show hasn’t been taking more meetings with President Obama. Andy Cohen, you’ve created an army of entrepreneurial monsters! So as to show respect for the performance plan that Bravo executed for us tonight, I’ll lay it out for you exactly as they did:
Business Meeting #1: Kandi and Todd meet with Kandi Factory Employees
Classification: Legitimate, if entirely mishandled
Kandi and Todd sit in the enlarged Barbie’s Dream House chairs that populate Kandi Factory and discuss how Kandi has “all these people on payroll”—Don Juan, Johnnie, and Carmon, in the other room—“and ain’t nothing getting done.” Todd seems to be the one pointing out that her team isn’t being managed very well, so Kandi recommends that he, their boss’ husband, go have a discussion with the team. Todd says that would make him look like an asshole, so they both go out to talk to them.
Kandi is a very successful woman and has made enough money to produce as many plays and purchase as much terrible furniture as she wants, but tonight seems like a pretty good example of good workers not always making good supervisors. What Kandi means to say to her employees is that they need to be utilizing Don Juan more as a manager and delegating some of his responsibilities so that he can focus more on leading the team.
What she actually says targets Don Juan in front of the group for letting the ball drop on some songwriting classes they discussed a year ago that he never moved forward with. When it’s clear that everyone is unhappy with the scolding, Todd says everyone is just too comfortable, which, judging by the people generally in Kandi’s orbit, seems entirely likely, but shouldn’t really be pointed out by the boss’ husband in a business meeting. So, all in all, pretty successful day at the Kandi Factory!
Business Meeting #2: Claudia, meet Porsha; Porsha, ignore Claudia
Classification: Introductory, in actual place of business (where “Casual Friday” is only bested by “Paternity Test Tuesday”)
We meet back up with newest cast member, Claudia Jordan, who still seems pretty enjoyable, in that I actually find some of the things she says to be funny without her informing me that they were meant to be funny via a series of blinks and maniacal laughs. It’s Paternity Test Tuesday on the Rickey Smiley Morning Show, Claudia’s new place of employment, which also happens to be the home of Posha’s paychecks, over on the television side of Dish Nation. (I almost mocked the idea of people wanting to watch Porsha on television… and then I realized. I’m the problem.) Claudia spots Porsha having her makeup done across the way, so she goes over to say hello, and the editors have a grand ol’ time acting like all of Claudia’s pleasantries are being met with silence and an excess of lipgloss applications.
And while it’s easy to tell that Porsha was probably being slightly more cordial than we were led to believe, she’s definitely being a little cold to the new girl in town, and Claudia thinks it’s because she caught wind of her friendship with sworn enemy, Kenya Moore. Apparently, they were quite friendly her first few days on the job, but this new attitude causes Claudia to say my new favorite tagline: “The shade is evident!”
NEXT: And you get a feud! And you get a feud! And YOU get a feud…