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The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: 'No Moore Apollogies'

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Real Housewives Of Atlanta Season 7
Bravo

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
seasons:
7
run date:
10/07/08
broadcaster:
Bravo
genre:
Reality TV

Shots. Fired. I repeat, knowledge bombs are dropping on the set of The Real Housewives of Atlanta (I guess that’s technically the city of Atlanta, but I don’t know if the Atlanta City Council claims Bar One as their own), and the end result is the worst possible scenario—everyone owes Kenya an apology. Like… a big one.

Hell hath frozen over, pigs are flying, and Nene went in public wearing eyelashes shorter than a ruler: Apollo has finally admitted to Kenya, his friends, and everyone but his wife that he lied to Phaedra about Kenya offering to come over and “commit some fraud” with his “mail” in L.A., if you know what I’m saying.

In case you don’t know what I’m saying, a recap within the recap for you: Two years ago, Apollo told everyone, starting with Phaedra, that when he and Kenya were in L.A. at the same time, she offered to come over and perform some fellatio services to him, her castmate’s husband. Kenya denied ever having made any such offer, and in fact, stuck to her story that Apollo was the only one playing a singles game of text-tag; but as Kenya was already a pretty grating presence after her first RHOA season, most everyone sided with Apollo, and his wife, Phaedra, began to read Kenya like a dentist office waiting room’s US Weekly every chance she got.

And now, after two years, Apollo is admitting that it was all a lie while offering Kenya an apology that contains a suspicious amount of laughing and yelling. He’s about to go to prison and he doesn’t want “making her feel like less of a woman” on his conscience. Because, you guys… that’s not really him! Apollo is a good guy, he swears! Just look at that sympathy sweater he keeps wearing in his one-on-ones—so sad, weep for him!

But for real, now we finally know once and for all: If it looks like a duck and acts like a duck, it’s probably a lying, cheating, maniac. Apollo… Costco doesn’t make erasers big enough to wipe this slate clean.

In news that doesn’t contain a complete lack of self-awareness—oh, no, sorry, fresh out of that. But! We are treated to a lot of precious Ayden and Dylan in this episode, even if is tainted with the sadness of a family being torn apart. But this is the Real Housewives franchise, not the Seavers or the Waltons… you knew what you were getting yourself into, here.

Phaedra and her mother take Ayden to his first dentist’s appointment, and while they’re in the waiting room, Apollo shows up. Phaedra doesn’t get angry or even really give any indication that he wasn’t supposed to be there, except for generally not speaking to him: “As a southern belle, I will always be appropriate and cordial in public in spite of what might happen in private.”

This Nida-Parks drama is likely to get old pretty quickly, but for now, it is nothing short of a psychological thriller. Phaedra is cold as ice, and unlike just about everyone else to ever be birthed from the Andy Cohen Laboratory, she somehow manages to actually keep her private life behind locked doors. And by that I don’t mean the logistics of her life—it’s hard to keep eight years in prison a secret. But as far as knowing how Phaedra feels about those eight years, how they’re affecting her personally, and her regrets, we’re left about as knowledgeable as Porsha in sith grade Social Studies class.

But the editors are working with what they’ve got and hitting us with that narrative arc, anyway. The dentists tells Ayden his back teeth might not be getting enough brushing, so he’ll need to do some “teamwork brushing” with his parents, and precious, crazy-smart Ayden responds, “teamwork brushing, working together.””Cue the sad music that doesn’t let up until everyone is leaving the parking lot and you hear Ayden’s voice say “Where are you going?” as his two parents’ identical white Mercedes diverge in opposite directions on the asphalt. There will be no teamwork brushing for this family, and don’t you forget it, Bravo viewer.

NEXT: I take it back—Cynthia is most definitely “choosing Cynthia” this season…

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