To sum up the hour: Everybody needs something and no one can get it on his or her own. Actually, everyone needs someone. Well, okay, some of them need something from someone but before we get too caught up in semantics—Rebekah needs to learn whose body she’s occupying, Klaus needs to find Finn, Elijah gets roped into helping Rebekah and Klaus’ schemes, Jackson is on the hunt for, um, getting to know (in a wink-wink way) his new bride, and Marcel just needs an answer to: “Do you want to kiss me?”
Act One: What should we do?
On a family conference call between the three Original siblings we’ve any affection for (we miss you Kol!) Rebekah is wandering a flea market, begging Elijah to move back home (he can’t because he’s simply got to stay across the river to “assemble allies”—which everyone on the line knows means: Get over a certain doe-eyed hybrid whose name starts with an H and ends with a -ley) when she’s suddenly being chased by two ominous henchmen, cursing her “for what she’s done” with what looks like a very powerful maraca when Marcel swoops in to the rescue. He calls her name, she wonders how he knew it was her, but honestly Beks, this is not the time. They dash off for safety.
While Marcel is saving her and Elijah is dashing to meet them (Kol? Any concern?), Finn and Freya are plotting across the way. Finn wants to channel Papa Mikaelson but Freya says she needs some time alone with her father first. She’s convincing, but Finn is too smart to fall for this. He warns her of their father’s murderous streak, but why isn’t he more suspicious of the sibling he hasn’t seen for a thousand years?
Cut to the honeymoon suite and you’ll see the picture of wedded bliss: Klaus and Jackson fighting over werewolf troops with Hayley trying to mediate. Jackson eventually concedes troops to Klaus for hunting down Finn, but this does not bode well for making a happy home.
In a very sexually tense apartment, Marcel and Rebekah are skirting around the big question sitting between them—Do you love me? I still love you.—as Marcel attempts to drag a “Thank You,” out of her. Elijah, ever the planner, wants to make a move, they need to find out the story behind Rebekah’s new body. Marcel says they need to pay a visit to Josephine LaRue, an “eccentric old bat with no love for vampires” who Marcel suspects will have no weakness for Elijah’s charms.
Act Two: In which they do it.
Freya and Finn go dig up daddy. Finn remains reluctant, but not suspicious and as Freya whispers, “He’s still my father,” (*perfect hair flip), he leaves her alone with Mikael’s corpse—just like she wanted. A quick prick of her fingers (honestly, the scar tissue between these siblings’ hands), and Mikael is about to wake up.
Cut to Elijah and Gia—yeah, the sort of rocker vamp from Marcel’s crew—plotting their visit to Josephine. Why does Gia need to be there? Apparently Miss LaRue has a weakness for the violin, which Gia has a knack for. Meaning to remark on Elijah’s type A-controlling personality (but, like, in a good way), Gia tells him that what he really needs is a woman to come in and mess his life up a little bit. Crickets chirp somewhere. She realizes her mistake—a woman already messed up his life! Hayley married another guy! She moved into his house!—and stares at him with sad, empathetic, but definitely also flirtatious eyes. Suddenly, there are two sexually tense apartments in New Orleans.
Jackson gives Aiden the orders to hunt down Finn, and tells them to do it as a pack. Aiden questions his plan and is met with hostility on Jackson’s part. Klaus looks on at the potential riff and decides to stir the pot, telling Aiden how to properly hunt Finn: quietly.
Back to the first flirtatious apartment. Marcel wants to know why Rebekah didn’t tell him she was back. Rebekah, cooler and calmer than the blonde of episodes past, explains that she didn’t want to face him because if she, maybe just maybe, wanted to kiss him for some totally unforeseeable reason, she just couldn’t “whilst occupying someone else’s lips.” Marcel takes the bait, “Do you? Want to kiss me?” “No,” she says. Ruben Morris, an expert on the affairs of local witches enters—Marcel has made an appointment to see if he can help them figure out her body’s backstory. He will do this by reading her tea leaves.
Mikael tries killing Freya but it’s only because he’s buried her memory so deep. He thought she was dead! It hurt too bad! She starts telling him a truly long story about his sword to prove its her. She tells him how Dahlia took her—she never wanted to leave! Now he’s on his knees, he can’t believe it. Wait, Mikael are you crying? Am I crying? (No, I don’t trust either of these two.)
Jackson continues to be the perfect husband despite living in the coldest first month of marriage. He offers to take care of Hope, Hayley shuts him down and then somehow transitions to asking him why he’s “a million miles away”—ummm, Hayley! You are so cold! Anyway the conversation of sex somehow comes up and Hayley comes to the conclusion that “they’re both adults” so why not. It’s almost like Hope knew this is not how it’s supposed to go down and starts wailing. To be continued…
The tea is brewed and Morris has Marcel and Rebekah both drink from the batch. Suddenly, Marcel and Rebekah aren’t feeling so well, “You were born with a dark side,” he says. She’s having a panic attack—no she isn’t! She’s been poisoned! Morris tells her she’s Eva Sinclair, a murderous psychopath, and he begins cursing her. Marcel tries to save her, explain that she isn’t actually the Eva Sinclair he’s speaking of, but Morris wipes him out quickly.
Elijah and Gia, he in his everyday wear and her in her Sunday best, head to see Josephine. Gia plays the violin, and she plays it beautifully, but Ms. LaRue is not amused. “You’re as calculating as I’ve heard,” she says before explaining that having Gia come here to play Beethoven—a song Josephine herself has performed—will not soften her against their kind. The Mikaelsons have been nothing but bad news for the town since their return.
Rebekah is not doing well. Better than Marcel, but not well. She tries mustering the strength to explain her real identity but instead uses her last dash of strength to hit Morris over the head before telling him her name and that she knows the cure for this god awful poison. And, scene.
NEXT: Things are heating up in the Big Easy…[pagebreak]
Gia does not appreciate Josephine’s judgment. She mouths off and plays her a song she really likes—an old jazz tune by Eddie South. Josephine, nearly wistful, remembers that she once tried to run away with a jazz musician before her mother punished her. She glances at her mangled hands, I grow queasy—did your mother do that to you?
Aiden comes upon daddy Mikaelson, who throws a werewolf heart at him. One of the wolves is lost.
Elijah brokers a deal for Rebekah being able to keep Eva’s body; Josephine wants the one Finn is occupying in return. Everyone’s happy.
Klaus finds Finn in the graveyard. He begins spouting his usual fare: I’m going to kill you, You’re a terrible brother, etc.—but Finn has a plan, and you can see it in his eyes. He attacks Klaus and reminds him just how much their father hated him. This, after a thousand years, still enrages Klaus (dads, take note). Klaus is seconds from killing Finn when Elijah swoops in, “I need him alive.”
Act tThree: In which it’s done.
Marcel wakes up to find a very healthy Rebekah and a very unconscious Ruben Morris. He decides this is another good time to chat about how he missed Rebekah while she was gone but when he found out she was safe and acting as a stand-in mother for Hope he was, “truly happy.” Rebekah, in turn, tells him how happy she was to hear that Marcel made peace with Klaus. They hold hands. He gives her that knowing glance. I’m overcome by how nice his skin is, it never gets old. Nothing else happens between them. C’est la vie.
Freya turns up in the graveyard and turns out to be a double agent. Maybe. Wait. Why is she conducting this spell? What is she doing? Oh shit! She just putt Finn inside her necklace. She tells her brothers that Finn is now safe, that they can have his body (how did she know Elijah needed it?), and proclaims herself on their side.
For some reason, I really miss Davina.
Freya attempts to prove herself on Klaus and Elijah’s side, but she is fighting an uphill battle. Klaus was never going to go for it and when Freya reveals she’s enlisted the help of their father he dashes off, but not before she got in a few choice warnings about Dahlia—she’s back, and she’ll want Hope.
Hope is really colicky today, and Hayley can’t seem to soothe her. Enter Jackson, the most soothing man ever. He calms her down, and suddenly it seems like Hayley might want him to do the same thing for her (if you catch my drift)—suddenly it’s a honeymoon.
Marcel and Rebekah resume their discussion about kissing. Still, nothing happens.
Klaus wants to use the pack to find Mikael and looks for support in Hayley, who refuses him outright. Klaus seems to think that because he forced the newlyweds to move in with him, they should be thankful and offer their services in return, but Hayley is not one to be manipulated. The pack will protect Hope, but Klaus’ battles are his own.
Elijah brings Vincent Griffith (whom Finn had been occupying) back to Gia, and Gia wants some credit. She also wants to flirt. Suddenly she’s touching him and he’s touching her and… It’s amazing how not-down with this fling I am. Elijah might deserve some affection, but something doesn’t sit well here.
The ending montage takes over: Hayley, Hope, and Jackson in bed together; Freya caressing her necklace; Rebekah sleeping on Marcel’s couch; and Klaus drinking with Aiden in a bar. I sometimes picture Pinky and the Brain when I think of Klaus and his constant scheming—”What are we going to do tonight?” Pinky always asks, “The same thing we do every night Pinky, try and take over the world!” the Brain always responding. He wants to convince Aiden to aim for leading the pack and Aiden seems fairly willing, which has me wondering: Will this affect the power of Hayley and Jackson’s union? Will the wolves lose all they’ve just gained?
And just when the episode seems over Rebekah/Eva wakes up and heads out on the town, she comes upon some teenagers and outright murders them—after she takes the power from their bodies. I hope this was a dream.