Life as a stay-at-home mom starts out great for Mindy. In her words, “It’s the greatest scam on earth.” She’s lazing on the couch, the apartment’s a mess, and a bag of salty snacks is just an arm’s length away. Ahh, living the life.
Danny comes home after a six-hour surgery, hoping for a home-cooked meal and a tidy apartment, but we all know Mindy’s not into that. He tells her that if they’re only going to be a single income family, they can’t afford luxuries like hiring housekeepers and eating takeout every night. It’s not exactly the life Mindy had pictured, but she thinks she can take it on. So what does the job entail exactly? “Cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying the bills, waxing the floors, keeping the piano in tune, raising our son, and maintaining a positive attitude that sets the tone for the rest of the household,” Danny says. Oh Danny, Danny, Danny. At this point, I’m mentally preparing myself for another 20 minutes of me shaking my head. But Mindy doesn’t stay fazed for too long since she’s found the key to success: the “Modern Mominista” blog. Basically it’s an expensive guide to being a ‘50s housewife.
While Mindy is slaving away at home, the ol’ gang at Shulman & Associates gets approached with an interesting, and slightly confusing, proposition. Jody needs them to help find his sister Collette a male date for their grandfather’s wedding. “Collette’s gay, right?” Tamra asks. Yes, she is, but she hasn’t been able to bring herself to tell Jody the truth. Instead, she seeks out Morgan, asking him to be her beard, which he ecstatically agrees to.
So the following week, we witness some bizarro universe in which Morgan and Collette are making lovey-dovey faces at each other and Mindy is making green smoothies and wearing pearls. But when Friday night comes, Mindy reaches a breaking point. Danny gets home having already eaten dinner (after Mindy made her signature grilled cheese and tomato soup) and decides to head out to the gym to take a break after working all day. After all, his job is harder than Mindy’s. How dare you?! Danny keeps digging himself into a bigger hole, thinking he could easily be a stay-at-home dad. So the two take a bet, and on Monday, Danny takes care of Leo while Mindy goes back to work.
Danny seems to have the whole routine perfected. Full restaurant-quality breakfast for Mindy, apple pie made from scratch, an appointment to the pediatrician. But his meticulously planned out day falls off schedule, and soon, it’s chaos as Danny’s yelling on the phone and dropping pies. You would think there’d be a screaming baby in there, too, but precious Leo is just clinging on to Danny, staring up at him with those sweet eyes.
Mindy, however, is having a blast. She performs a hysterectomy surgery (“Monster Mash”? A+ playlist), totally rocks it, and even impresses Jody. But she’s still convinced that her job is to stay home and make gourmet grilled cheeses for Danny.
NEXT: The secret’s out[pagebreak]
Before she leaves the office, Mindy first has to dole out some advice for Morgan and Collette. Their “relationship” has been getting a little out of hand, so Mindy sits Collette down and tries to convince her to come out to her brother. “You shouldn’t hide who you are from someone you love,” Mindy says. Light bulb! Mindy doesn’t want to stay at home, but she’s scared to tell Danny. Maybe she’ll get some inspiration from Collette, who announces via intercom that she’s a lesbian.
Jody is upset to hear the news because it means his life won’t be what he pictured, meaning he won’t have a brother-in-law. Collette enlightens him: Duh, she is the brother-in-law. They’ll bond over barbeque meat and trophy wives.
That night, Mindy prepares to tell Danny that she wants to go back to work. After all, staying at home is not easy, even for Danny, who had to call in Ma to help out. But just as she’s about to confess (again!), she gets interrupted. Danny’s half-sister Little Danny is calling to say that their dad had a heart attack. Danny is visibly upset, so Mindy says she’ll work and Ma will take care of Leo while Danny visits his dad.
“I’m actually happy to go back to work,” she says to an empty room. So close, Mindy. You’ll get ‘em next time.
“You got a little something in there.” —Danny, pulling out a full K-cup from his coffee mug
“Oh no, that’s the coffee. You leave it in there.” –Mindy
“You cannot keep a Southern family’s gay secret for personal gain. What are you, in a Tennessee Williams play? Whoa, am I smart?” —Mindy
“If you’re not living your authentic self then what even was the point of Glee?” —Mindy to Collette
“Collette, you’re not really gay are you? This is just another one of your funny pranks, right? Like when you kissed that girl in your class or asked that girl to prom?” –Jody
By the numbers:
Digits in the new Wi-Fi password: 40
Times Mindy gets hit by a football: 2