Every breakup has stages, and Mindy’s currently in the oh-crap-I-don’t-know-how-to-handle-my-finances-because-my-fiancé-did-that-for-me one — not the worst place to be in but still an unpleasant one. Luckily she has Jeremy’s recently sober ex-girlfriend Whitney (Cristin Milioti) to help.
Well, kind of: The gang discovers that a hedge fund is opening up above them after the construction on that office interrupts their morning meeting. The twist is that Whitney — who, if you remember, has a past with both Jody and Jeremy — is said hedge fund’s manager. The men are displeased; Mindy is delighted. Here’s someone who can help her with her money, which she didn’t even realize she needed help with until Jody noticed all the undeposited paychecks littering her desk. Jody judges her hard for this, but really, depositing checks is a pain. Get over yourself, Jody.
After Mindy attempts (and fails) to figure out her finances herself, she waltzes into Whitney’s office and basically asks her to organize her life. At first, Whitney’s resistant. Then Mindy discovers Whitney has literally chained herself to her desk because she just got sober and can’t figure out any other way to prevent herself from going out with her co-workers and, as a result, doing coke. Now she has no friends and nowhere to go, so Mindy uses this opportunity to hop in: I’ll be your friend, Mindy says, and you can get my money together. It’s a deal — a weird deal, but a deal nonetheless.
It works for a bit. Whitney holds up her end, and Mindy tries her best to hold up hers. That becomes difficult once she realizes that Whitney wants to spend all her time — really, all of it — with her new pal. After a few straight days of exhausting hang-outs, Mindy’s tired and decides to take a night off. Bad idea: Whitney ends up going to a bar called McBarfigan’s (yes, McBarfigan’s) with her co-workers, so Mindy rushes there to stop her from doing anything.
She gets there too late — or at least that’s what she thinks when she finds Whitney in the bathroom. But instead of snorting coke, Whitney’s just solving some sudoku puzzles and pretending to snort coke to uphold her party-girl reputation at work. The two end up having a heated heart-to-heart, where Mindy confesses that she doesn’t want to log in to her bank account because then she’ll have to face how much money she spends on things like bear claws instead of saving up for Leo’s schooling. Being a person is tough. Period. Being a single mom? Even tougher, as Mindy’s finding out.
NEXT: Jeremy’s got a “girlfriend” [pagebreak]
Back at the office, Jeremy’s introducing everyone to his new (much older) girlfriend. Jody’s shocked and later comes around to their relationship after he runs into the girlfriend — Juliet — on the train and she gives him some sweet advice about finding love where you aren’t even looking. The advice is solid but loses some of its resonance once Jody learns Juliet is Jeremy’s fake girlfriend. See, he’s been paying her to act like his partner to make his reputation better. And it works! All the women who previously thought he was just a shallow dude now think he’s deep and more than just his looks. Now that’s some creative manipulation.
Once Jody finds out their love is a lie, though, it’s too late: He’s already written Mindy a letter saying he’d like to take her out sometime…and mailed it to her. It’s doubtful that this will become another Mindy-Danny situation where two opposite-minded co-workers get together, especially because Mindy’s new life as a single mom trying to figure everything out seems to be the theme of the rest of the season so far — then again, navigating a romance with someone as wacky as Jody would provide some solid fodder for the show. For now, though, Mindy’s just content to split a bear claw (or three) with her new friend, Whitney, as she takes a break from handling her finances (all by herself!).
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“My retirement plan is to sing on a cruise ship. You knew this.” —Mindy to Jody
“Jody, you are old as hell! When we were little, I thought you were like my secret dad, not my brother. And I’m still not convinced.” —Colette
“I did not get that book at all. It was like Tom Hardy was saying it to me.” —Mindy
Juliet: You’re Jeremy’s co-worker. Are you the one that eats trash?”
Jody: No, that’s Morgan. And Beverly. [Pauses] And Mindy. Actually, that’s quite troubling.
Jeremy on paying Juliet to act like his girlfriend: It’s kind of noble if you think about it. There are so few great roles for women her age.
Tamra: Oh, please. Helen Mirren be everywhere.
By the numbers:
Years Morgan has left to live, according to his doctor: 3
Age Mindy says she is: 26
Age Mindy says she wants to retire: 30
The 4:20 of cocaine, according to Whitney: 5:10 p.m.
Money Mindy spends on bear claws and coffee each day: $5
Bear claws Mindy says she eats every day: 1
Bear claws Mindy actually eats every day: 2
Wars Tamra thinks Juliet has lived through: 40