Danny has a lot of unpopular opinions, but he revealed his perhaps most unpopular one tonight: He is anti-bath. Yes, dreamy Danny is one of those people who thinks taking a bath is akin to marinating in “your own filth”—a.k.a. one of those people who is boring and hates everything great in life.
Mindy has to make a Scarface reference to get him to strip down and join her in a bubble bath, and once he gets in and they’re beginning to enjoy themselves, Danny’s mom comes knocking at the door. Just what you want interrupting sexy bath-time!
Surprising absolutely no one, Annette apparently has a habit of barging in on Danny and his life. She takes his phone and replies to Mindy’s (often dirty) texts; she leaves notes on his bed reminding both he and Mindy that they aren’t married. And Mindy is tired of it—so she sets Annette up on a date with a handsome older doctor in hopes that dating will distract her from Danny.
Mother-son relationships are tricky: Too distant, and you’re a bad son with probably questionable morals. Too close, and you’re a, as Mindy says, a “creepy, Norman Bates-style son-husband.” Despite Mindy’s comparison to the Bates Motel character, Danny isn’t quite son-husband level (as far as we know, he hasn’t passionately kissed his mom… yet), but his relationship with his mom is still clingy enough to justify Mindy’s plan to get Annette out of their hair.
Annette’s date goes well, but so well that she wants to go on more dates with more men and has taken to online dating to find her suitors. Morgan has also taken to online dating because Tamra dumped him. While we, sadly, don’t get to see Annette setting up her profile, we do get to see the making of Morgan’s—and it’s just as weird as you’d imagine.
Mindy takes a cue from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for this scene: In one episode, Mac and Dennis set up a dating profile for Charlie, who keeps giving horribly bad answers to the dating profile questions. Favorite food? “Milksteak.” Likes? “Little green ghouls.” Charlie is so excited and so sure about his weird, weird responses. It’s an endlessly amusing minute of comedy, and a perfect look at the utter ridiculousness of Charlie.
On Mindy, Peter sets up a dating profile for Morgan, who also has out-there answers. His interests? “Dog husbandry and spending time with Grandmother.” Professional income? “Impoverished.” Like Sunny‘s Charlie, Morgan is enthusiastic about his answers and completely oblivious to how strange they are. Meaning: Charlie and Morgan would probably get along great—and Charlie Day needs to guest star on this show ASAP. (Rob McElhenney, who plays Mac on Sunny, and Glenn Howerton, who plays Dennis, already have, so… It’s only a matter of time, right?)
Mindy has an idea though that will prevent Morgan and Annette from having to find dates online: She wants to set them up. That way, Annette will have such a bad date with Morgan that she’ll be done with the whole dating thing—and, as a result, Danny won’t be able to blame Mindy for turning his mom into a “Staten Island tart.”
But the date goes well. What doesn’t go as well is Danny finding out Morgan went on a date with Annette. It gets worse: Danny not only has to picture his mom and Morgan dating, but he has to go on a double date with the two of them. Luckily it doesn’t last long though. (Does anyone really like double dates anyway?)
Mindy suggests they cut dinner short, and Annette and Danny go outside where they talk about his dad and why Annette didn’t date for so long. It’s sweet and heartfelt and Danny calls Mindy a sex maniac and attributes it to her culture and it’s all around a classic Castellano exchange.
Inside, Tamra finds Morgan and Mindy sitting together in the restaurant. At first she thinks Mindy is Morgan’s new hook-up, but after she finds out the truth, she asks Morgan to take her back. On again, off again: Tamra and Morgan, the Rachel and Ross of Mindy!
The episode ends with Danny and Mindy enjoying another bubble bath together and Annette knocking at the door once again—but this time with ziti, which Mindy dubs “perfect bath food.” Ziti, a bubble bath, and Danny Castellano: Mindy’s living the dream.
“I will never stop sending nudies. That’s my first amendment right.” —Mindy
“I haven’t been on a date since 1974. Do people still do cocaine?” —Annette
“He could be a killer. They never caught Zodiac!” —Danny
“Kate Upton is a perfect 10.” —Mindy
“Who’s this Kate Uptown?” —Danny
“I’ve never said this in the history of my life, but I think we should skip dinner.” —Mindy
By the numbers
Mindy’s outfits: 10
Positions Mindy and Danny try out in the bathtub: 3
Months Tamra and Morgan were together: 7
Years it will take Morgan to get over Tamra: 7
Annette’s last date was in: 1974