Don Draper wasn’t always the best person, and he definitely wasn’t the best — or even a good — husband. He cheated on Betty, like, all the time. He was condescending. He lied. And then he married Megan and did the same thing all over again.
So why am I going on about Mad Men, a show that ended more than a year ago, when this is a recap for The Last Man on Earth? Because the first episode of the Fox comedy’s third season might as well be called “Betty’s Revenge”: We last saw the Malibu crew watching on as three strangers clad in hazmat suits and toting guns arrived at their residence. In tonight’s premiere, those strangers make their official entrance — and Melissa shoots one of them almost immediately. That stranger? It’s Jon Hamm. Betty and Don, together again.
But not for long. Darrell (Hamm) dies right after he croaks out “We weren’t gonna shoot you, we come in peace.” Last Man has had its fair share of A-plus casting surprises since it started airing — Jason Sudeikis! Will Ferrell! — but this, this is, as Carol would say, the bee’s knees (and the femur, and the gastrocnemius, and the whole bee-leg region). Like, the episode could end right here and that’d be fine. Alas, this brilliant cameo happens just a few minutes in, so this is only the beginning.
Like many episodes before, this one features a funeral, but this time it’s for someone Melissa intentionally murdered that no one really knew. This doesn’t stop them from going all out, though, with Todd belting “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” and Gail breaking out the accordion. These people know how to throw a funeral. Oh, and there’s also a shoddily drawn photo of dead Darrell — as in, he’s depicted as dead in the drawing — since they don’t have a photo of him. These people are basically the post-apocalyptic version of the Fishers.
Afterwards, everyone gathers to try to get to know these two strangers. One isn’t really a stranger, though — at least not to us: It’s Pat, the paranoid boater Mike spent some time with when he first landed back on Earth. He’s still paranoid and still wearing his hazmat suit. His travel companion, Lewis, has taken his off, and is ready to ditch Pat if it means getting to stay with this group of people. This group of people is also ready to ditch Pat, who weirds them out with his, well, weirdness. For example, he describes himself as a “jean art enthusiast.” Not that this group — which includes a grown woman content to spend her days bedazzling — should judge, but still.
NEXT: So, about Pat…
Tandy defends Pat and convinces everyone they should let him stay. They do so begrudgingly, because evidently the idea of having a resident jean artist around isn’t something they’re really hankering for. And when he says jean art, he means, uh, jean art: Tandy’s soon sporting some denim with questionable designs. “It’s just a general breast theme with cobras,” Pat explains. You know, just a traditional, tried-and-true motif. If Urban Outfitters was still operating, they would be all over it.
Meanwhile, Lewis is telling the rest of the gang Pat is dangerous. “I think you shot the wrong person,” he whispers, before revealing Pat recently killed someone. He decides to tell everyone this while Pat and Tandy are out trying to blow up the Santa Monica Pier — a.k.a. the perfect activity for a murderer and his naive, optimistic new friend.
Their evening goes smoothly, though (except for the Santa Monica Pier, which they do successfully destroy), and they even talk about their relationship with Mike without either of them realizing it’s the same Mike. This is probably for the best, judging by what happens when Pat does put two and two together later on.
Once they arrive back, the crew’s ready to have an intervention and get rid of Pat. Tandy is still defending the guy, especially because he just made everyone their own custom jeans. How can you dislike a dude who makes you custom jeans?! Plus, Pat’s taken off his hazmat suit by this point because he feels so supported by everyone. How sweet!
As Tandy reminds Melissa and Carol they killed someone — so they shouldn’t necessarily be ready to dismiss Pat because he killed someone — Pat’s taking a look at a family photo of Mike and Phil. That’s when he realizes his Mike is Tandy’s Mike, and when he whips out his gun because he suddenly feels like he’s been lied to this whole time — and also because he’s a conspiracy theorist who’s been completely alone for a really, really long time and could probably use a therapy session… or, like, 100.
Pat then goes to shoot Tandy’s balls, but luckily runs out of ammunition. That gives everyone time to hop into a van, which Todd drives away, running over Pat seconds later. While Melissa was fairly stoic after killing Darrell, Todd does not look like he’ll be as unemotional when it comes to this (if Pat is indeed dead): His eyes widen in sheer panic as he realizes that, oh, sh-t, I just ran someone over.
So that’s the first season 3 episode of The Last Man on Earth. One person definitely dies, another probably does. But the good news is Lewis is still going strong, and he seems pretty cool — for now, at least.