A nice thing about living in a post-apocalyptic world with barely any inhabitants is you don’t really have to worry about security. The Last Man crew loses that perk, though, once they realize Pat is probably (definitely) alive and probably (definitely?) plotting his revenge. Their picturesque Malibu — or, you know, as picturesque as a completely deserted beach town can be — is no longer safe.
Tandy, ever the optimist, tells everyone that Pat is more scared of them than they are of him — a point that Lewis backs him up on. “He’s a really fearful person,” he says. “And he eats cat food.” Good to know! So, somehow, that’s enough to calm everyone’s fears at least a little bit. But even the comparatively not-paranoid Tandy is ready to take some precautions: He lines one of the house’s hallways with Big Mouth Billy Bass decorations that go off whenever someone walks by. That way, if an intruder comes in, “Joy to the World” — a.k.a. the song known for the “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” lyric — will start blasting from the mouths of these animatronic fish. Much better than a boring ol’ alarm tone.
This is a fine idea in theory. In reality, it’s terrible: Erika accidentally sets them off when she gets up in the middle of the night, so Carol suggests they all wear tap shoes and whistles when they walk around the house so everyone can tell the difference between someone who belongs there and… Pat. This one is not a fine idea in theory, but points to Carol for creativity — also shout-out to another one of Carol’s security measures: a disguise for the cow she dubs “cow-moo-flouge.”
In addition to the tap shoes and whistles, Tandy has set up taser stations around the house with big signs, while Melissa has set up ax stations around the house with no signs. Actually, she just stuck axes in the walls and instructs everyone to remove them, slice the intruder, wipe off the blood, and insert said ax back into its “station” when you’re done. Cold-blooded Melissa gets more and more entertaining each week, though it’d probably be beneficial for everyone if a therapist rolled up to their house about now.
NEXT: Five-alarm alarm