We always knew it would come to this. For weeks the Celebrity Apprentice final two seemed etched in stone, which is to say, Eric Trump’s hair. Leeza vs. Geraldo! Resistance was futile. It was always going to be them. It didn’t matter how many tasks Geraldo lost in a row or how many times Leeza politely refused to get drawn into debates and discussions regarding other contestants’ menstrual cycles—the two veteran talk show hosts were on a crash course for the title of Celebrity Apprentice which, in the grand scheme of things, means… absolutely nothing. (That $250,000 check for charity that comes with it, however, is a nice perk.) Let’s go to a tale of the tape to see how these two titans match up.
Known for: Sunny disposition; hosting Entertainment Tonight and Leeza
Fun Fact: Worked alongside original Apprentice champ Bill Rancic on something called America Now
Positives: Affable, intelligent, creative, riding an incredible six-project winning streak
Known for: Mustache; Rose-tinted glasses; Al Capone’s vault; hosting on Fox News
Fun Fact: Has been known to tweet out semi-naked pictures of himself on occasion
Positives: Easily raised the most money this season. He also calls Donald Trump “Boss” a lot. Donald Trump likes being called Boss.
Negatives: Lost five projects in a row
We’ll see how it all shakes out, but the battle was officially joined this week. So let’s hop to it and break down the penultimate episode of Celebrity Apprentice!
And Then There Were Two
Since Trump fired half of North America last week, we were left with just three contestants—Leeza, Geraldo, and Vivica. But before they could celebrate, the phone in their suite rang and it was the always radiant Amanda the phony baloney receptionist calling the trio back into the ballroom. “At least it’s not Vladimir Putin,” said Geraldo. Okay, can we all just agree that if it had been Vladimir Putin, then that would have been the best Celebrity Apprentice twist of all-time? But why would the president of Russia be keeping tabs on Celebrity Apprentice anyway? And in real time, no less, before the season even aired? Is Adrian the elevator operator actually a KGB spy? (And don’t try to tell me the KGB disbanded after the dissolution of the USSR. Are you honestly that gullible?!?) Did Putin want to weigh in on who may have stolen Vivica’s phone and tweeted out about menopause? Or is he going to be the guy who does that weird interview-the-final-three-celebrities task which always leads to the last firing?
None of the above it turns out, as the final three all went back to the Boardroom so Trump could fire Vivica. I guess it was kind of weird the way Vivica admitted that Leeza was better than her, but A) It was true. And B) She probably knew the choice was already made anyway, so why bother fighting it? So Vivica was indeed fired and then took the long elevator ride of doom (although, once again, you eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed she never pressed the elevator call button—although you probably didn’t notice because I am the only one obsessed enough to freak out over such things that in the grand scheme of things make no difference whatsoever… while at the same time making all the difference in my book).
NEXT: Let’s all go to Orlando…