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Hello again, rose lovers! This week’s episode of The Bachelorette is all about confrontation. Tia comes face-to-face with her (quasi-) ex Colton, and then poor David has a face-off with the stone floor after falling out of bed and has to be rushed to the hospital. (The ambulance “incident” was not the result of bloody fisticuffs, as Team Bachelorette hinted at with multiple ambulance promos, but it never is, is it?)
Let’s start at the beginning. It’s a rainy day at Casa Bachelorette, where everyone’s eating a hearty breakfast and dealing with their own issues. David and Jordan are busy silently hating each other, while Colton is fretting over whether Becca will send him home because he dated Tia. He’ll find out soon enough, because he’s on the first group date of the week, along with Wills, Jason, Jordan, David, and Jean Blanc.
But first, the Bachelorette and her besties need a little girl time.
Welcome Caroline, Tia, Baby Bekah, Sienna, and Kendall! “I’m really excited to have you guys be my extra eyes and ears” on the group date, Becca says. “I know you’ll ask the right questions for all of them.” Naturally, the Colton issue comes up, and Tia’s quick to point out that the two dated “before the Arie season had even started airing.” But she also says that “of course” Colton might have signed up for The Bachelorette thinking Tia would be the one handing out the roses, which is not easy for Becca to hear.
“I don’t want you to be upset and, like, tormented over that,” Tia says sadly. Becca agrees to reserve judgment for now, but if she determines there’s even a “small part” of Colton that wanted Tia to be the Bachelorette, she’s gonna send his butt home. Okay, boys, it’s time to meet the “special guests” you’ll be pampering as part of this spa date.
That’s right, Colton! It’s the Almost Bachelorette! “This is one of my worst nightmares,” he says, sighing. “I’m scared.” Becca’s pretty shaken up too, so much so that she completely blanks on Jason’s name when introducing him to her friends.
Don’t worry, honey — it happens to all of us. After a quick change into some spa whites, the guys begin rubbing feet and shoulders, painting toenails, and letting the “ladies” paint their fingernails. As soon as she finds a free moment, Becca pulls Tia aside to hear her side of the Colton situation. “The most we did was kiss,” insists Tia. Well, that’s odd — first Colton said they had a “relationship,” then he downgraded that to “a weekend together,” and now Tia is saying they just kissed. Is this the Benjamin Button of relationships or what?
Becca seems less concerned with how serious Tia and Colton were and more upset with the strong possibility that he signed up for the show hoping Tia was going to be the Bachelorette. “I hope he’s fully here for you,” Tia tells her weakly. Becca decides she’s just going to ask Colton point blank — which isn’t a great plan, because even if he was hoping ABC chose Tia, he’s certainly not going to admit that on camera. (Next: Chicken vs. Zoolander)