At this point, I’m thinking JoJo should just eliminate guys named “Chad” from her life. Last season, there was the ex who tried to rekindle things during her hometown date, and now, well, there’s Chad, the cocky, protein shake-obsessed meathead who’s missing something behind his eyes. Do we think “protein shake” is code for “vodka,” because that would explain so much.
We start the week at the Westlake Village Inn, where JoJo is staying? Remember the days when the Bachelor/Bachelorette got their own mini-mansion so that they could shower with Jimmy Kimmel and whatnot? Well, those days are no more. Now, JoJo has to resort to leaning on publicly recycled balconies. The horror.
At the mansion, Chris Harrison stops by to explain how things are going to happen this week: There will be two group dates and one one-on-one. There are roses on all the dates, so good luck, dudes! With that, Harrison drops off the first group date card for Luke, Grant, Will, Evan, Daniel, Vinny, Ali, James F., Wells, and Robby. Not surprisingly, JoJo wants to heat things up. (“Hot” is her favorite word, after all.)
When the guys hear something outside, they head out to investigate, and what they discover is a limo on fire. As Evan gathers from the situation, “that is hot.” Yeah, fire tends to be. Also, what is Grant doing? So far, his fireman instincts are failing all the tests. Although, the biggest failure of this might be the guy who calmly says, “She’s not in there, right?”
Spoiler: She’s not. Instead, she shows up dressed as a firefighter and, in slow motion, helps extinguish the fire. As Daniel says, “You can spray me down any day.” And she might have to, Daniel.
As JoJo grabs her group for the day and heads out, Chad decides that the guys she chose for the first date are obviously the “B” team, which proves two things: 1. Chad’s confidence knows no bounds. And 2. Chad does not understand how the alphabet works.
So while JoJo enjoys her date, Chad enjoys some alone time with his protein powder. Specifically, he packs a suitcase full of said protein powder, straps that suitcase to a weight belt, and proceeds to do pull-ups with the suitcase hanging off his waist. There are so many things I could say here with the suitcase symbolically hanging between his legs. Let’s just go with this: Overcompensation. (Also, pretty sure there are heavier things than protein powder, buddy. Next time, challenge yourself.)
On the date, the men head to the fire academy, where they’re going to compete for a bit of alone time with JoJo. And in case you were wondering who JoJo wants some time with, she invited Grant, the actual firefighter, on this date. So yeah, JoJo’s playing favorites. Meanwhile, there’s Evan, who’s nothing if not confused. After all, when you tell an erectile dysfunction specialist he’s going to be working with a hose, this is not what he expects.
Can I also just say that I hope JoJo knows how to rescue herself if a building is on fire? It’s called GET OUT OF THE BUILDING. As much fun as it is to play damsel in distress, she doesn’t need a man for that.
As the day kicks off, it quickly becomes clear that Wells is struggling. (Poor guy, if only he’d rented out All-4-One for one more day.) And you know it’s bad when he says, “I’m so much not like everybody else here.” Wells, your wit is all you have! You can lose physically, but when you start messing up your words, you’re doomed.
Thankfully, needing a water break wins Wells some time with JoJo and he plays it off beautifully. He plays it off so well, in fact, that he accidentally impresses the fire chief, who then selects Wells as a top three contender. Translation: He has to endure more physical torture. In the end, it’s Luke, Grant, and Wells competing to save JoJo from the roof of a burning building.
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NEXT: And the first one-on-one goes to…