Much like Shawn feels that his time on the show will only make his relationship with Kaitlyn stronger, I feel like our relationship as recapper and reader has done the impossible: At this point, we’ve made it through Chris Soules’ soul-less season—see what I did there?—and whatever it was that we just watched with Kaitlyn’s season. Simply put, there’s nothin we can’t face.
And right now, we have to face two hours of men talking about how they can see Kaitlyn as their wife only to watch one go for a ride in the Depression Mobile (thanks for that, Clint). Seriously, the only thing that could make this first hour interesting would be if Shawn and Nick both just shut up and sang a duet of “The Girl is Mine.”
Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. Instead, we’re heading from Utah back to the oh-so-exciting Malibu, California. If making Kaitlyn have her proposal at the Bachelor mansion isn’t a slap in the face, I don’t know what is. Clearly, they think her season is worth spending all the money. Hey, remember when Ali and Roberto got engaged in Bora Bora?! This is totally the same.
But I will admit that whatever house Kaitlyn’s currently at with her family is hella nice. Speaking of hella nice, I love Kaitlyn’s family, despite the fact that we still don’t get to see her dad or step-dad do much of anything, which was my complaint from last season, but whatever. Kaitlyn gives her family a quick recap of her time on the show: She’s in love with two men; she slept with one of them; she told the other about it; oh, and it’s Nick Viall.
Mom and sister immediately react to Nick’s name. Sister is happy. Mom? Not so much? She’s highly skeptical of their “connection,” but she doesn’t have much time to express her fears because Nick—and his beard—shows up. Apparently shaving was too much to ask for meeting the family.
In his white V-neck and Converse, Nick meets Kaitlyn’s mom, sister, dad, step-dad, and step-mom. And by the time his ass touches the couch, mom all but shouts, “Why are you here, Nick?” (If only Shawn were a fly on this wall, amirite?)
Kaitlyn’s sister swoops in to rephrase/save the day: “What made you decide to do this?” Nick then tells a familiar story: He didn’t want Kaitlyn to end up with someone else. But it’s step-mom with the follow-up: She wants to know about Nick’s last relationship, otherwise known as Andi. As Nick puts it, last time he came on the show to travel, and because clearly he didn’t do that this time, he’s obviously here for Kaitlyn.
Taking Nick aside, Kaitlyn’s mom tells him that she has a “not flattering” opinion of him. Quite frankly, she thinks he was “possessive” during Andi’s season. And she doesn’t want to use the word “arrogant,” but she just did, so…
Mom wants answers, and Nick quickly reassures her that he’s here for her daughter. And then, channeling women everywhere, Kaitlyn’s mother says that she knows what he sees in her daughter, but “WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN YOU?” In other words, “You suck.”
After landing that jab, mom follows it with a right hook, questioning their physical connection as a couple and asking flat-out if it will sustain. But Nick doesn’t go down easily. Tearing up, he informs Rocky Balboa that he loves her daughter and that he wants to spend forever with her. A few tears later, mom gives Nick her blessing and walks away thinking he’s a “teddy bear.” (Yeah, because you just beat him down.)
Moving to Kaitlyn’s father, Nick explains that he loves “every part” of Kaitlyn—too much information, Nick—but somehow, her dad gets a good feeling from Nick, so he hands out his blessing as well.
Outside, Kaitlyn says goodbye to Nick and informs her that he cried with her mother. You know, because it’ll make him look sensitive and sincere. But you know what won’t make him look sensitive and sincere? Kissing Kaitlyn with his eyes open. If I could unsee it, I really, truly would.
NEXT: Family, meet Shawn’s biceps