Hey guys, remember when Nick was the bad guy? … or JJ? … or Clint? … or Kupah? … or that drunk guy from night one? Well, it turns out that the biggest douche of them all was right under our noses the entire time! Turns out, Ian sucks, and I for one, blame the producers for the fact that I didn’t realize it sooner. I mean, I’m ashamed to admit that my first impression of him will forever read “bold and lovable.” (I’m also ashamed that I used a phrase like “bold and lovable” when talking about a human being.)
But just let it be known that my last impression of him is “arrogant asshole who loves himself more than any woman ever could.” Too much?
Regardless, before we get to the whole Ian situation—which, let’s be honest, we only half-care about—we still have to deal with the one whom Shawn calls “the other guy.” Spoiler: It’s Nick.
Upon Nick entering the guys’ hotel suite, no one even so much as stands to greet him. To be fair, it looked like Jared started to before I’m guessing the producers shot him down. And they must have told him that they needed more tension in the room, because by the time Nick gets to his own personal couch, Jared’s facial structure is sharper than ever as he gives Nick the sort of dirty looks that would make you think it was Nick who ruined Jared’s facial hair last week.
Sitting down, Nick claims that he’s not here to start drama. Plain and simply, he’s here to sweep Kaitlyn off her feet with his words: “I actually kind of dig this girl.” Oh, Nick. You’re too much.
It takes about 30 seconds for Tanner to speak up and ask Nick if he hung out with Andi a couple of weeks ago. Yes, he did. Reportedly, the two met up to “bury the hatchet.” (And probably not to make love with each other.)
But it’s obvious that Tanner wasn’t expecting Nick to own up to that, so he tries another argument: Basically, he goes for the “there are plenty of fish in the sea” angle, but Nick repeats that he’s here for Kaitlyn … because she’s a “pretty cool chick.”
Enter Joshua, who calls Nick out on his biggest sin—his word choice—asking if Kaitlyn is more of a “cool chick” or an “amazing woman”? Nick thinks she’s both and is all #phrasing, amirite? I mean, can’t she be amazing AND cool?
Switching gears, Tanner wants to know more about Nick’s relationship with Kaitlyn before the show. Apparently, the two of them have texted, tweeted, and even talked on the phone a couple of times. (But there’s no mention of FaceTime, so they can’t be too serious.) And when Kaitlyn came on the show, Nick says he knew he had to meet her.
Once the interrogation is over, Shawn continues to drink silently in the background while Nick tells everyone that he gets why people are pissed but that he hopes they can at least respect why he came. After all, where else would he find a woman who’s both amazing AND cool? Okay, I’ll stop.
So while the guys figure out their emotions regarding Nick, the producers make it up to all of America by giving us shirtless Shawn. Sure, Shawn is also talking about his conflicted feelings, etc. etc., but nobody’s listening.
Tonight, the cocktail party is taking place at Citi Field, because there’s nothing more romantic than a baseball stadium that’s completely empty and apparently freezing? The only upside to this would’ve been someone making a “make-out under the bleachers” comment, but sadly, nobody does. Instead, JJ refers to the stadium as his “grandiose stage” and pretends that he knows what baseball is.
So while Kaitlyn rocks a full-on peacoat, the guys are left to suffer in their suits. Honestly, JJ just picked Kaitlyn up and ran ALL FOUR BASES while holding her—he might’ve pretended it was romantic, but clearly, the guy was trying to stay warm.
NEXT: And the final rose goes to…