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The Bachelorette recap: Nick at Night

Clint is out … and Nick Viall is in? Hey, it’s all part of Kaitlyn’s “journey.”

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Heidi Gutman/ABC

The Bachelorette

type:
TV Show
genre:
Reality TV
run date:
05/19/08
broadcaster:
ABC
seasons:
13
Current Status:
In Season

You know what I find enjoyable? How Clint’s facial expression literally never changes. Is he mad? Is he happy? Is he sane? We will never know! And you know what, I appreciate that. Thank you, Clint, for adding a dash of mystery to this season. Now get out of here.

Speaking of, we pick up where we left off, with Kaitlyn grabbing Clint—who’s feeling, much like JJ, “confident” going into the rose ceremony—to talk about what a jerk he is. And for those of you keeping a tally, Clint and JJ have grown “very, very, very, very close.” It’s a fact that Clint relays to Kaitlyn, because everyone knows that a way to a girl’s heart is to talk about how much you love one of her other “boyfriends.”

Not surprisingly, Kaitlyn is done with Clint and his struggle to overcome himself. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? So even though Kaitlyn “really, really, really, really” liked him, she’s done trusting this “smooth-talker.” But WAS he a smooth-talker though?

Inside, Kaitlyn takes Clint to say goodbye to the guys, where JJ lets his confidence get the best of him. In a moment that proves that actions speak louder than words—and that suit speaks louder than everything—JJ throws Clint under the bus, requesting an apology for “taking time and emotions.” Ugh, emotional energy theft is just the worst, amirite?

Just like that, Clint is done with JJ. So done in fact that he tells him to “nut up or shut up,” which I didn’t actually think was a thing that people said. And in a final conversation that has more bleeps than last week’s sex ed lesson, JJ and Clint break up. My favorite diss of this entire interaction? “Hey that tie goes really good with your shirt, you piece of s—.” And guess what? It cuts JJ deep.

As Clint rides away in the back of his minivan, JJ gives us the first Mesnick of the season … followed by the first slap of the season when he slaps himself in the face, calls himself an SOB, and tells himself to suck it up. None of those things should be considered red flags, though, guys. NBD. Let’s all just agree to look the other way, cool?

Back inside, Jared has decided to take over as the new Chris Harrison, officially declaring JJ and Clint’s breakup the most dramatic breakup ever. But their breakup only means one thing for us: JJ is still around. And unfortunately, when Kaitlyn decides to cancel the rose ceremony, it means that JJ is sticking around for at least another week.

Yeah, the fact that the guys aren’t excited—and the fact that JJ threw Clint under the bus—should both concern you, Kaitlyn. But instead, she calls it a night so that Chris Harrison can inform the guys that they are packing their bags to begin their journey around the world (a.k.a. the reason they all come on this show). First stop: New York City!

And you know who’s ready to go? JJ, because he’s looking for a GIRLfriend, not a boyfriend. Yeah, we get it.

Once the guys find themselves in their Times Square digs, the first date card arrives for Jonathan, Justin, Ben Z., Corey, Ryan, Tanner, JJ, and Shawn. So what’s the date? Well, in case you guys didn’t know this—which is totally fine if you didn’t because it’s been really subtle so far this season—Kaitlyn wants a man who can make fun of himself.

So she takes them all to meet Doug E Fresh and perform in rap battles for a live New York audience. Just to catch you all up, Kaitlyn would like to inform you that rap battles involve “insults and disses” and also “bragging.” Everybody good?

NEXT: JJ pisses off all of New York

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