Welcome to week two, everybody! Now that we’ve made it past night one, we can get to the good stuff: date cards, in-house tension, and celebrity appearances. Also, judging everyone by their kissing ability! (Or is that just me?)
We start with the classic Bachelorette “waking up” shot, in which Kaitlyn—and her new eyebrows—hops out of bed covered in makeup and looking hotter than ever. Surprisingly, she doesn’t go work out in her sports bra. Instead, Chris Harrison comes over—what house is she in?—to call her out on kissing two people on the first night. But she doesn’t regret it. In fact, her motto this season is: “Don’t go stopping connections.” If she feels it, she’s going to act on it.
Back over at the house, Chris has officially been given the nickname “Cupcake,” and Tony is wearing an American flag vest. Do with that what you will. Also, Jonathan is still declaring himself Mr. Britt, and Joe is hung up on Brady’s super “cool” actions from night one.
Speaking of Brady, we finally get to see what happened when he showed up at Britt’s hotel, just moments after she hung up the phone with her mom. Okay, so we don’t really get to see anything other than Britt letting Brady in and him giving her a hug. So … that was worth the wait?
But enough about those two, because it’s time for the first date card of the season! Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H., and Ben Z. are listed on a card that reads “I see this ending with a ring.” And no, we’re not talking about an engagement ring. Rather, because Kaitlyn loves us all, she’s chosen a date that requires the men to take off their shirts and literally fight for her.
As the guys enter the boxing gym, Kaitlyn explains that they are about to undergo a little bit of training—all the while someone who appears to be “A” stands ominously in the background. Don’t worry, it isn’t an evil high school bully. Instead, it’s Laila Ali. And she came prepared with a boxing-is-like-love speech: It requires focus, discipline, and commitment. (I’d just like to add that, other than that, boxing and love should be NOTHING alike.)
So while Kupah completely ignores Kaitlyn in favor of his training, Jared—and his cheekbones that seem to get sharper each week—takes the opportunity to get his flirt on. However, Kaitlyn seems to have her eye on Ben Z., mostly because she can’t not see him—the dude’s enormous. He’s definitely the guy to beat.
As the guys change, Kaitlyn does what any good future wife would do: She watches them undress. Then Ben Z and Kupah do some sort of high-five pushups. I don’t know the technical term, but it’s hot.
Now, it’s fight time! The winner of the tournament will take home a belt … and Kaitlyn’s heart. In other words, you won’t actually win anything apart from an ego boost. That’s worth potential bodily harm, right?
I feel like I can sum up most of these fights pretty quickly: Ben Z. and Jared—yes, Jared!—make their way through all of the other guys, with most every fight ending with someone throwing in the towel. (Apollo Creed would not approve.) Jared even takes out Kupah, until finally, the championship match is between sharp-cheeks Jared and huge-hunk-of-meat Ben Z.
And this is where things get less fun. After Jared takes a shot to the head, the fight ends with a trip to the hospital. Well, things get less fun for Jared. For the rest of us, the fun is just beginning.
At the evening portion of the date, Ben Z.—who literally didn’t even win any extra alone time for beating up a million dudes—finally tells Kaitlyn about his mom’s death. The two of them also bond over cooking and just generally are the cutest.
Kaitlyn then learns that Justin has the second worst baby name in Bachelor/Bachelorette history, with Aurelius falling right behind Kale.
NEXT: Clint gets the first one-on-one of the season