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The Bachelorette recap: Two overnights and two fake hometowns

Two overnight dates + one rose ceremony + two fake hometowns = one very confused Bachelorette.

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The Bachelorette

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Chris Harrison
Current Status:
In Season

Alright, who’s ready for a totally non-threatening confrontation?! Because it’s about time for us to catch up with Nick and Shawn as they sort of raise their voices at each other while staying seated a full 20 feet apart. But don’t worry, the excitement won’t stop there, because then we get two full hours of people dancing around using the word “sex,” you know, because that would be too far for this show.

Picking back up on Enniskillen Island — a honeymoon locale if I’ve ever heard one — Shawn and Nick are continuing their seated confrontation, where they might as well be saying, “No, you’re manipulative, arrogant, and cocky!” “No, you are!”

Things get slightly more interesting when Nick says his two favorite words to Shawn — Eskimo brothers — but Shawn decides that Nick is an inconsiderate bleep, claims he wasn’t bragging about anything, and then gets up and walks away with his amazing tight T-shirt, leaving Nick and his stupid Irish sweater alone.

Seriously, somebody needs to teach these two what a fight looks like. The first rule of confrontation club is, I don’t know, standing?

Heading from Cork to Galway, Kaitlyn is focused on her overnight date with so-hot-it’s-ridiculous Ben, whose tight pants and dorky sweater confirm what Kaitlyn says about Mr. Let’s-talk-all-night: He’s definitely not a player.

According to Kaitlyn, Ben is “easy and nice,” because those words just shout “I’m falling in love.” (Also, sadly for Kaitlyn, Ben doesn’t seem to be “easy.”)

And if anything ever said “friend zone,” it’s the fact that Ben and Kaitlyn have matching Irish sweaters … and not on purpose. Sorry, Ben. But hey, at least you get to ride a horse named Archie. As for Kaitlyn, Chip will be the only thing she’s riding today. (I’m just going to see myself out now.)

On their romantic date, the two of them ride their horses through a field of dreams donkeys, where Kaitlyn thinks the donkeys are chasing her — because that’s more logical than the fact that they’re chasing the bucket of food you’re holding.

Regardless, she enjoys Ben’s “calming presence” as they have a picnic outside of a castle designed by the architect responsible for Buckingham Palace. They talk about life, and Ben decides that starting a life together sounds “fun.”

Flash-forward to dinner inside the beautiful castle, and Ben shows up wearing the male version of Kaitlyn’s daytime sweater. But isn’t it exciting to be in a castle that’s filled with “200 years of love”? (And probably torture, betrayal, enslavement, etc.) Who’s ready for dinner?!

After Ben raises a glass to Kaitlyn, he decides to tell her something crazy: He turned 26 on this show! Yes, birthdays are SO crazy. It’s almost as if they don’t happen every year.

But the twist is less about the day and more about the fact that Ben didn’t tell Kaitlyn because she’s about to turn 30 and he didn’t know if age was an issue for her. Guess what? It’s not. Can we move on now?

The couple shares a trip down memory lane, remembering all three of their dates together before Kaitlyn decides they’re “so cute” and Ben calls her “unique” because he’s great at compliments.

Alright, I hope you guys are ready for some all-night talking, because we’re headed to the fantasy suite! Well, only after Ben finishes reading his note from Chris Harrison. Oh god, he’s one of those people who takes long pauses at commas when reading out loud. Shoot me now.

Ben informs Kaitlyn that it totally sucks that she’s dating other people, but he’s falling for her, so yes, he’s ready for the “best sleepover ever.” (Kaitlyn and Ben have very different definitions of what that means.)

The next morning, Kaitlyn reveals that she only got a half hour of sleep — so Ben told at least five stories — but her big takeaway from the night is that she didn’t expect to fall in love with Ben. So sweet, right?

NEXT: Shawn gets naked